This living one day at a time stuff is for the birds.

It has been a nice little reprieve the last couple days not seeing any of the eye rolling incidents he’s been experiencing. But I’m not tempting you, Fate. No need to show me who is boss. I know not to celebrate good things. He could have one tomorrow or in 5 minutes, so don’t think I’m getting all cocky and thankful. I know that’s not allowed. Until the neurologist’s office called this morning to verify the  results of the EEG–no hips arrythmia and the only odd activity present is irritation from the surgery (what we already knew)–Chris and I hadn’t even acknowledged out loud the fact that we hadn’t seen any for two days. They remain a mystery until we can catch them on EEG. But the reality is that the EEG also shows a tendency to epilepsy because of the other tubers present. No seizures, just little outputs of activity as if to say, “Screw you. Did you think you’d wake up and TSC would just go away?” That’s TSC. It’s always there. You just don’t know what it will do. I totally understand those parents that enact vigilante justice when someone hurts their kid. If TSC could take human form, I’d stab it to death. Slowly. Only time will tell if epilepsy will be an ongoing battle for him.

The physical therapist came yesterday. Once again, she said he was looking really good. Very interactive, engaged, energetic and much more tolerant of being on his tummy. He’s adding more noises to his repetoire and playing with toys, all in the appropriate window of time…although he likes to push those windows to make Mommy nervous. She is thrilled, as am I, that we are weaning him off the phenobarbital. It’s pretty much the go-to seizure med for babies, but it’s a major suppressant of all activity, and longterm, is connected to cognitive issues. Connor often refuses to look his therapist in the face, even though he will make eye contact and giggle with us, because she is the mean lady that makes him work out for an hour straight. Mommy can be broken in less than hour easy. It’s kind of humorous to watch him swing his head back and forth as she tries to get him to engage with her. He’s not having it. She goes to the right, he goes to the left and vice versa. But she says this is good because he is distinguishing between people he likes and people he doesn’t. We’re really pushing him more to roll over. He can. He has. But he’d rather do this:

Where he started…
A few minutes go by…
Making a break for it!

A breakdown of his meds history:

When he came home we had to give meds 5x a day. It was hell. He was on:

Phenobarbital 2x per day 8am, 8 pm

keppra 2x per day — 8 am, 8 pm

dilantin 3x per day– 6am, 2 pm, 10 pm

I want you to seriously think about that schedule. Seriously imagine having to stop at all those times of day no matter where you are or if he’s sleepy to force him to take some crappy tasting medicine.

Then we weaned him off the dilantin.

He was only on phenobarb and keppra 2x per day for some time, but after surgery we never upped the dose again because we weren’t seeing anything.

Then the infantile spasms started, so we added Sabril (vigabatrin) and clonazepam. And now we are in the process of weaning off the phenobarb. So once we finish weaning, he will be on:

Keppra

clonazepam

Sabril

All two times a day thank God because I don’t think I can mentally handle more than that.

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2 thoughts on “This living one day at a time stuff is for the birds.”

  1. It’s hard isn’t it? Sometimes I hang onto the thin shredding thread of hope. I just want to go to sleep and wake up from the bad dream! On the other hand, sometimes life seems good again.

  2. It’s definitely hard to believe that things aren’t just flowing along the way you pictured they would, but I’ve been surprised at how well I’ve done with it. I can still say I’m pretty happy and optimistic for Connor. 🙂

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