Nothing bonds people like mutual hatred. Perhaps a sad fact of human nature, but true. Whether it be a co-worker or a business entity, lifetime relationships can be built. In fact, 15 years later (ermagherd, when did that happen) I fondly recall the cold, unfriendly girl that lived in one of the single rooms on our dorm hall. She came and went, acting as if the rest of us didn’t exist. Her room happened to be painted purple, therefore she was dubbed “purple room girl.” That was the first bonding activity — talking about how rude and weird she was — amongst me and several girls I’m still friends with today. One-by-one, girls wandered out of their rooms to share an anecdote of how “purple room girl” gave them a death stare for brushing their teeth too loud. Okay maybe hatred is strong word…I didn’t hate her. She just made me uncomfortable. That is, until she left her alarm set for 2 a.m. one weekend while she was off with her equally creepy and unfriendly boyfriend. It blasted through the walls until I finally had to get the RA on duty to go in and shut it off. Then I hated her, and I think he did, too.

I love that at least once a week, someone finds my blog by Googling “Accredo complaints” or “Accredo pharmacy sucks.” More bonding.

So now let us bond over a mutual hatred of Comcast! Here, I’ll start.

We recently moved (why am I blogging about Comcast, when you want to hear about Connor and the new house? It’s coming soon, I promise). Chris is the only person I know who had nice things to say about them. No matter how many people I know that have it, he is the only one that would defend them. But they finally broke him.

First, the company that is famous for not coming out as quickly as you need them, shut off our cable early. Yes, Comcast, we actually wanted cable for the entire duration of living there. Since when are you early?

When Chris set up the transfer, he was told we could move the boxes ourselves if we wanted. They would have the cable already turned on for us. Guess what? It wasn’t. After 45 minutes on the phone the Friday evening we moved in, a couple things were established. One is that when he set up the transfer, the person who did it was supposed to transfer all the box numbers to the new house. So Chris read them all off and they were — supposedly — transferred that night. But when the cable continued to not work, the person on the phone figured the person never came out to turn it on. Shouldn’t who got dispatched and whether they did their job be documented? Then they couldn’t even get us someone the next day, though THEY screwed up. Not until Sunday. Chris missed the start of college football, and that’s when his Comcast spirit started to die.

So when they got here on Sunday — oh hahahahahahahahaha! — I kid. Nobody showed up Sunday.  And when we called again, there was no record of any move/change of address apparent to the person on the phone. This is after we spent an hour waiting on hold before we gave up, then had to call back, then wait several hours for a callback. They couldn’t see where anyone had ever been assigned to come out. An entire football weekend gone. It’s clear at this point that there is no way we will see the final episodes of Big Brother, Dexter, the premieres of Mindy project or New Girl, or any of our other shows for the foreseeable future. My husband is wilting before my eyes without syndicated “Big Bang Theory” episodes, I’m horrified that I won’t be able to live status update about how this year’s BB winner was a floater and Connor is debating giving up his dream of curing cancer without the tutelage of Sid the Science Kid.

The person on the phone wants to solve the problem by setting up another appointment that presumably nobody will show up for (Dr. Phil taught me that you teach people how to treat you) so thankfully, finally Chris cuts her off with, “clearly you don’t want my business, so how about we just cancel the whole account.”

And so our relationship with Comcast was done. Oh, wait. Not yet.

Next we receive a bill of $1400 for all the unreturned equipment. We had already turned it in as soon as we cancelled, but what killed me was this bill was sent BEFORE all the issues and cancellation. They told us to move it, then they BILLED US FOR IT!

Then we were done. Oh, nope! Not yet!

Next we receive a bill for the next month because they have started a new account for us (with Chris’s name spelled wrong–two s’s, really?) AT THE OLD ADDRESS.

I don’t dare to presume it’s over. I can only hope. When I write my e-mail complaint to the powers that be, I think I will merely send the link to this entry, rather than waste more of my time. It’s not like they’ll care. If they did, when you follow the Twitter and FB hashtags for #Comcast, you wouldn’t find an endless stream of complaints ABOUT THE SAME THINGS.

Also, hiring staff to monitor Twitter for complaints who claim to want to help, directing people to e-mail the ComcastCares address, claiming that executives will review the issue? Good one. Nobody responds from that address, in case anyone is out there waiting for an answer. But at least you can maybe a fake a few people out on Twitter, with a campaign to create the illusion of giving a crap.

And, oh my, I had no idea that Comcast does security systems! I imagine it works a little something like this: “Hello, I’d like to report an intruder stabbing me.” “One moment please. This security system should be available shortly. Ref Code: FUcustomerNobodyHereCares.”

Now you go! Let’s bond! Comment with your worst Comcast experience! Maybe they’ll read your complaint, too. Okay, obviously I’m being ridiculous, but it just feels so good to vent. Come on, everyone. Let purple room girl have it!

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