Tag Archives: seizures

I disappeared because of weed.

Shameless clickbait title, but it’s technically true.

There are actually two major reasons I’ve been pretty quiet on the blog for the past year. 1. Burnout. I think I just hit a wall talking about TSC and I completely ran out of motivation. 2. Even when I did feel like posting I couldn’t talk about one of the most significant aspects of what was going on with Connor, which was that he was enrolled in an Epidiolex trial. I was not allowed to discuss it online while in the study.

In Venice, FL to visit Grandma Judy and Grandpa John.
In Venice, FL to visit Grandma Judy and Grandpa John.

I’m still dealing with intermittent motivation, but the other issue has been resolved.

Connor was fortunate to be included in an Epidolex trial last year by his neurologist. We were shocked to get in when so many were turned down. Epidiolex is manufactured by GW Pharma by extracting CBD from the cannabis plant. Unsurprisingly, this drug is pretty controversial in the cannabis world. Most people who are using medical marijuana or in the cannabis world are not thrilled with a pharmaceutical company getting involved. I completely understand this, feel similarly and get why this is problematic, nonetheless, obtaining regular cannabis in every state was/is an issue and we were accepted around the time some companies were finally able to use a federal hemp law to start shipping cannabis oil with THC levels under 1 percent. It was still the same stuff that used to be illegal; they were just able to get it reclassified as hemp rather than cannabis because of the low THC levels. Right after we started, Georgia finally passed an immunity law protecting people for having certain types of medical cannabis for certain conditions if your doctor would sign off and you registered for a card from the state.  So the timing was weird. All that time with nothing, and then both options fell into our laps at almost the same time. We decided to try Epidiolex as it would present no legal issues with travel and other logistics (and I know low THC oil under 1 percent is in a grey area and theoretically okay in any state, but for those of us in Nathan Deal country and other states run by people with heads up their asses, nothing is guaranteed. For example, we aren’t allowed to administer the oil in the hospital without the card).

Meeting a manatee at Mote Marine in Sarasota.
Meeting a manatee at Mote Marine in Sarasota.

It was utterly pathetic to learn just how many parents were ready to attack other parents for making the decision to enroll in studies. Parents that seemed to forget that not so long ago, pharmaceuticals were their only option, too. So for those of you that feel the incessant need in the various cannabis “support” groups to do nothing but viciously attack everyone who isn’t using the strain you approve of, you can seriously kiss my ass. There is a huge difference between explaining why you feel one type is preferable and making a parent who is just asking questions in order to learn feel like an idiot because you are on a power trip. At any rate, as you’ve likely guessed, we are no longer in the study.

Captivated by the waves!
Captivated by the waves!

The first five months were fantastic. We went from 2-3 seizures a day to up to 12 days seizure-free at a time. His cognitive skills improved, as did his physical skills. He learned how to use picture cards around the house to tell us what he wanted in a day. Unfortunately, we had to take most of them down after a few weeks when he began to take pleasure in making us jump just because he could. He went from using them effectively to thinking it was funny just to make us do stuff. He also started tackling hills on our walks like it was nobody’s business. Unfortunately, in mid-July, things went to hell. He was worse than he’d ever been and it wasn’t even that his typical seizures returned, so much as he seemed to be having a lot of subclinical activity and was a blob on the couch. He’d fall all the time and could barely walk. It was a nightmare 2.5 months. This contributed to my lack of motivation on this blog and I also fell off my other project, which I plan to get back to soon. Since I was still following many cannabis groups to see how people were using whole plant oils made in legal states, I came to the conclusion that his CBD dose was too high, and as soon as we lowered it, he began to improve. Things went okay for a couple more months, but when we lost control again, we decided to leave the trial and start Haleigh’s Hope, which we order from Colorado. It’s made by Jason Cranford of the Flowering Hope Foundation. We chose it because we know several people in Georgia having success with it, including Haleigh Cox for whom it is named.

At Touch-A-Truck in Kennesaw.
At Touch-A-Truck in Kennesaw.

Right off the bat with the switch, whatever subclinical activity might have been going on started getting better. He was walking again within a week. The situation was much improved from months of being so floppy he couldn’t function and going to school many days in his chair. Seizures in general have still been a bit of a roller coaster, though not to the degree that he’s unfunctional, but the issue we are having appears to be that since he just started school, he’s catching every germ that comes his way. The slightest sniffly nose means lots of seizures, usually starting days before symptoms even show up. It has been very frustrating. However, when we are able to keep him healthy for a couple weeks at a time, he does very well. Now that we are sliding into spring, I’m hoping things will even out and we will see sustained seizure reduction.

But can I just tell you about his eye contact? That has become phenomenal since starting HH. Sometimes I feel like he’s practically challenging me to a staring contest. After a couple months, it started to dawn on me that his stimming had decreased as well.

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I have high hopes for the incoming warm weather.

I mentioned in my last post that just before I headed off to a blogging conference, Connor and Chris were getting sick. I returned home to Connor still exhibiting cold symptoms, and Chris the same. Though when Chris started having hot and cold flashes, I became suspicious that something else was at play. Connor slowly seemed to get worse and we celebrated his fourth birthday by having to give him two Diastat doses in one day, 12 hours apart for the first time ever. The next day he spiked a fever and had quit eating and drinking so we went to the ER where he was diagnosed with the flu. An IV perked him up to his old self so we went home, but he reverted the next day and we were admitted from Wednesday-Sunday. He developed pneumonia on top of the flu and almost ended up in ICU on Friday when he couldn’t keep his oxygen levels up. Thankfully, the next day he began to recover.

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Feeling better finally!
Feeling better finally!

So here’s to hoping we can make it to and through summer vacation without any further drama!

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Governor Deal plans to block medical cannabis expansion.

I’m experiencing a serious feeling of deja vu. Except last year Governor Nathan Deal waited until after Christmas to drop the bomb on the sick and suffering of Georgia, along with their families. Happy holidays, citizens. You don’t matter.

Let’s do a brief recap. In early 2014, a parent lobby rose up, with the help of Rep. Allen Peake of Macon, to try and pass HB 885/Haleigh’s Hope Act to help people with epilepsy access cannabis oil. It was a very limited law, but by the time it hit the floor on the final day of session, it had been whittled down to nothing but immunity for possession of the oil. Political games were played, namely by Sen. Renee Unterman of Buford and Lt. Gov. Casey Cagle (who has his sights set on the Governor’s seat), and the bill died, much to the devastation of the families. As the clock ticked toward midnight, several families ran to Deal’s office to beg him to intervene, to demand that the bill get a vote. He wouldn’t come out of his office. More families moved to Colorado in desperation. And three children I knew through this effort would pass away as the fight continued.

Over the course of the year, Peake led a commission to explore the idea further and how to make it work in Georgia. They concluded in December of 2014. Everyone was excited at the prospect of a bill that would include more conditions and allow a higher ratio of THC to CBD  (necessary for many people for whom CBD alone doesn’t cut it). It was also supposed to allow cultivation and growth in the state of Georgia as bringing it over state lines is federally illegal. Before the session even started, Deal made it clear growing was off the table. It was another devastating blow, however, HB 1 did pass with several eligible conditions. Residents could apply for a card that allowed them to possess cannabis oil with up to 5 percent THC.

Let me quickly say, I am for full medical marijuana. Legislators should not be able to dictate what conditions or stages of disease are eligible. They are NOT doctors, except in rare instances. But this is the sad hand we are dealt in Georgia. Too many elected officials that think it is their job to parent rather than represent the will of the people, who are largely in favor of medical cannabis. The goal for 2016 was to hopefully expand conditions and allow growing so that federal law doesn’t have to be broken to obtain it.

The signing of HB1 in 2015 was quite the production with the Governor’s office. He even shed (crocodile) tears as he signed the bill to help the families his staff strategically placed around him for the camera op. It was a performance worthy of an Academy Award.

Over the course of the past year, taxpayers have sponsored another committee to explore options for growing in Georgia. They have not completed their work or presented the final findings to Deal, however, yesterday he came out and said he will not support growing in 2016 either, even though the whole point of the committee he appointed was to make that happen.

He says law enforcement doesn’t want it. Well, last time I checked, that isn’t the branch of government that writes the laws.

He also says that the 300 people who have registered aren’t enough to be worth the cost of the program. Hear that, fellow card holders? Our loved ones aren’t worth it. He fails to recognize that many people can’t register because the restricted legislation doesn’t include their conditions, or if it does, they have to be end stage (yeah, you aren’t dying enough yet), and many need more THC than is allowed by the current law. Several patients are also encountering the issue of their doctor refusing to sign off simply because they oppose the idea or lack education about how it can benefit various conditions.

I find it funny that he considers the cost/benefit ratio not good enough to have in-state grow, but he supported pharmaceutical trials that cost the state an extraordinary amount of money, and have taken forever to benefit anyone at all.

He never intended to listen to either committee. But he was happy to waste your tax money putting on a show of fake compassion.

There are two things I really hate about epilepsy. The first is obviously what it has done and continues to do to my child, even though he has shown extraordinary improvement on CBD oil.

The second is how it has left me feeling about my state and my country. Getting involved in corrupt politics has been so incredibly disheartening. I was happier in the dark, but there is no going back. I just hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of a majority that can override Deal’s veto. But that road looks a lot like a Georgia road in an episode of The Walking Dead. We need everyone to speak up. Please call and email your state senators, representatives and, of course, the governor. Let him know you are tired of him ignoring the will of the people.

This site will help you find out who your state officials are:

http://openstates.org/find_your_legislator/

Governor Deal, this is just one the many faces you are hurting. Look at him. He is a person. He is a Georgia resident. He is loved. Now do your job.

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For more on what happened last year, read this.

 

 

 

Identical Twins Diagnosed With TSC

Day 27 of Blogging for TSC Awareness

by guest blogger Jobina Antochow-Piekema  (Clairmont, Alberta, Canada)

2012-11-09_16-31-07_926At our very first ultrasound we were given the great news we were expecting mono/di (identical) twins.

During a routine ultrasound at 25 weeks, we were told the twins both had cardiac rhabdomyomas and a possible diagnosis of tuberous sclerosis. At 28 weeks pregnant after fetal echos, ultrasounds and meeting with a geneticist she recommended we transfer to the USA and have an abortion as we were given the absolute worst case scenario of TSC. I immediately said no…these boys were moving, growing, and thriving inside and we knew we would take our twins however God chose to give them to us.

I was put on bed rest due to high blood pressure and stress. At 31IMG_8916297196671 weeks I was flown to Edmonton, Alberta Canada from our home in Grande Prairie, Alberta and at 32 weeks on September 23, 2012 I delivered our identical twin boys via emergency c-section. Layton Dale was born at 10:58 pm and at 10:59 PM Landon Walter arrived. After seeing them briefly they were whisked away to the NICU for evaluation. They were doing well and holding their own. Layton spent 35 days in the NICU AND Landon 41 days.

Life at home was an adjustment, but we managed until we had a follow-up cardiology appointment around 6 months of age and were told their hearts were still strong and the cardiac rhabdomyomas were not affecting their heart function. We began to breathe a little easier. The cardiologist believed the twins were in the 30th percentile that did not actually have TSC.

So life went on! We lived, we thrived! We lost my dad to cancer in March of 2014, twelve days after I married my husband. Then two months later we lost my husband’s grandma. It was an emotional rollercoaster. As things finally started to somewhat normalize, we had a follow-up with the twins’ neurologist who wanted to book them an MRI but believed they were in the clear. We left Edmonton happier than we had been in months only to have our world crash down around us ten days later.

We were camping and Landon woke up from his nap having what we assumed were seizures.  We knew right away…we hadn’t escaped TSC. We called 911 and we were life flighted to Edmonton. Watching my son cluster seize for 45 minutes at a time changes a person. After ten days in the hospital, CT scan, kidney ultrasound, opthomolgist, and MRI we were told by doctors tuberous sclerosis.  We knew…it wasn’t a surprise, but at the same time it was a shock. We asked so many questions, we cried so many tears,  we were worried about Layton. Genetics met with us to do blood work to see the test to identify the gene mutation in the twins…spontaneous TSC1 is their official diagnosis.

FB_IMG_1423273687587We were discharged not having the seizures under control, but once we had control we went almost five months seizure free. Then the seizures started coming back, but they were different. At first I doubted what I was seeing, until I looked into my precious little boys’ eyes and knew. We added another med and have seen great success.  We are almost six months seizure free.

Landon is progressing well all things considered. He has heart and brain involvement and some ash leaf spots. Layton has been cleared of any cardiac rhabdomyomas and has some ash leaf spots.

We have lots of appointments we have to travel for. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I am slowly starting to let the twins out of my safety bubble. And I am slowly starting to become somewhat human again. Having to grieve the loss of my dad, my husband’s grandma and my healthy children has taken a huge toll on me…all I want is to be the best I can be for my boys. We always pray for a mild case of TSC but know it is all in God’s hands.

Honestly,  some days it all feels like a bad dream. I wish I had the cure. I have met some amazing moms through the TS Mommies group on Facebook, and although we are miles apart, these woman have become my friends, my family and my go-to people! I treasure you all.

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#iamtsc #tscawareness #tscwarriors #piekematwinstscjourney #punchtscintheface

For the first time in my life, things were not in my control.

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Day 21 of Blogging for TSC Awareness

by guest blogger Debdatta Bhattacharya  (Portland, Oregon)

I had always been in control of my life. I faced challenges but I knew if I work hard I will get over them. I was born in India into a loving family and had an amazing childhood. After I completed college I wanted to come to the U.S.A. for pursuing my PhD in physics. My parents were not happy with my decision because it was so far away from home. But I was adamant; it was my life right ? After a couple of years of coming to U.S.A, I married my college sweetheart. Six years later, both of us got well paying jobs at Intel in Portland, OR. Life was good. Finally it was time to sit back and relax and enjoy all those years of hard work at grad school. In 2010, our first born, our daughter Bartika arrived in our life. Oh what a joyful time that was, the exhausting but delightful days of nurturing her and caring for her, the ecstatic feeling of bringing new life into this world.

In 2013, I got pregnant with my second child. We found out it was going to be a boy. Everyone was excited, “oh you will have one of each”. We personally didn’t care; we just wanted a healthy child. I started planning, like I have for all other major events of my life. We sorted through all our daughter’s toys, separating infant toys from toddler toys, packed them in separate bags. I hired someone to help me out in the first few weeks after baby #2 arrived. I can’t believe it now; I even almost planned the weekly menu with her so that there would be one less thing to do.

On my 37th week of my pregnancy, we went for a routine ultrasound. I was excited to see him one last time before actually holding him in my arms. After the ultrasound, my doctor came in the room and told us “there is something wrong with the baby’s heart.” Those words and her voice still ring in my ears. We were quickly packed off to be seen by a neonatalist. He had no idea what was going on other than the fact that my baby had unusual thickening in the wall of his heart. We were told that there is no guarantee he will make it out of my womb. Such cruel words told with such heart wrenching indifference. I felt like someone just stabbed me in my chest. My child was still kicking inside me; how could any of this be true? Later that night, we got a call from a pediatric cardiologist. He said it looks like your baby has “tuberous sclerosis” (I first thought he said tuberculosis). That was the first time we had heard this term. The doctors wanted to do a c-section, but they wanted to wait a few more days to give him a chance to grow a little bigger. The little signs around the house that showed our readiness to welcome the new baby came back to bite us. The new baby clothes delivered at our door step, the unopened car seat, the toys, the laid out crib seemed to mock us. For the first time in my life, things were not in my control.

The inevitable question of “why me” kept me awake at night. We were told “law of nature” by the doctors. But we had been good to nature, recycling, reusing, installing solar panels, driving a Prius, you name it, then why us? We have given to charity, been reasonably polite with everyone, been sincere and honest in our job, then why was our dream of a perfect life being shattered so ruthlessly. I haven’t found any answers yet. But with time I have realized that most people are basically good and nobody deserves to go through this pain. But life happens and other than gracefully accepting it we don’t really have much of a choice.

blog-2We had a faint idea that TSC could affect our child in multiple ways but at that point of time we were concentrating on his heart tumors. We went to Seattle Children’s Hospital so that he had all the heart surgery options if he needed any. My beautiful boy Arij, was born on 7th April, 2014. Miraculously he did not need any surgery or medication. All the doctors had told otherwise but he proved them wrong. It was overwhelming because my arms were empty and my baby was in cardiac ICU (just in case) and a bunch of MRIs and ultrasounds were being performed on him. I had about 48 hours of absolute happiness till the doctors came back and told us he had tumors in his brain. For the first time after his diagnosis, I opened the internet and started reading about TSC. I had intentionally stayed off because before his delivery there was nothing much to do with all that information anyway. I saw terms like, seizures, developmental delay, mental retardation, autism, mentioned in a matter of fact way all across the internet. My heart sank and I cried and cried. Was I not allowed to enjoy even a few hours of my baby’s presence before being engulfed in worries again? While I recovered from my c-section, I tried to make sense of all this information. We came back home after staying for 12 days in the hospital. The first night we spent at our home as a family will always be etched in my memory. It was such a happy feeling to be home as a family for the first time, no hospital smell, no monitors, no doctors.

My husband spent the next few weeks in doing extensive research on infantile spasms and what it looked like. We had realized that we can’t control everything but we will control whatever little we can. We installed a motion detecting video camera over our son’s crib so that we could detect the first signs of infantile spasms. We prayed that we never detect anything but unfortunately around two months of age he showed some early symptoms of infantile spasms. He was started on sabril and everything was under control again. I took time off from work and took care of him. A bunch of therapy sessions started around 4 months. He was doing wonderfully till he was about nine months. That is the time when new seizure activity started. More tears, more heartbreak and more panic followed. He started falling back developmentally. The local neurologist was unable to control his seizures. Arij being his sweet self, of course just smiled through this all. We finally decided to take him to Cincinnati TSC clinic. I am so glad that we took that decision. The medicines were changed and he was put on new medicine. It took a while for him to react positively to the medicines. Patience is not my forte but life taught me to be patient. He is doing much better now but he still has some seizure activity. He is still delayed developmentally but he is making steady progress. We celebrate all his milestones. We have learnt to find happiness in the smallest of moments. We are going to start him on afinitor soon with the hope that it will control the remaining seizure activities that he is having.

blog-4It is still difficult for me write down the positive aspects of this experience. I have lived most of my life without TSC and I was quite happy. TSC has taught me a lot of things but I wouldn’t have minded leading the rest of my life without these learnings 🙂 One of the key things is of course that I have to let go of things and situations and I can’t control everything. The other is patience. I keep working with my son on a certain skill, day after day without seeing the desired result. But when I get there, I can’t describe the satisfaction and sense of achievement that I get. I also got to know the true color of many of my so called friends. Some have abruptly discontinued all contacts with me and some have stepped up to give me emotional support. We will continue fighting this battle with Arij. Amidst all these uncertainties, there is one certainty; he will always be surrounded by unconditional love.

Bailey

Day 13 of Guest Blogging for TSC Awareness

by Becca Patterson  (Greenwood, Mississippi)

My name is Bailey and I am 5 years old. I was diagnosed with TSC when I started having seizures at 5 months. I’ve had almost every type of seizure there is but currently my seizures are under control.

I have tumors & tubers in my brain, small tumors in my kidneys, and every skin abnormality associated with TSC. I am non-verbal, physically and mentally delayed, and autistic.

I am also beautiful, silly, sweet, and a spit-fire. I am TSC.

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We will never take her smile for granted!

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Day 11 of Blogging for TSC Awareness

by guest blogger Tanya Sloan-Bates (Athens, Tennessee)

We tried for several years to get pregnant, fertility treatments were our last hope.  Finally, our prayers were answered and God blessed us with our son, Noah; our amazing little man.  We were so excited.  We never thought we would get pregnant without fertility treatments.  However, God had a different plan.  A few years after the birth of Noah, our miracle baby arrived, Molly.  She was a beautiful, healthy baby girl!

When Molly was six and a half months old, we started to notice how she was making peculiar movements.  At this time, my husband was working out of town. Molly began to scream and cry and act as though her stomach hurt.  During this week, we went to the Children’s Hospital twice and her pediatrician’s office three times. Each time the doctors would run a series of tests.  Every time the tests came back normal and nothing was concluded.  We were sent home with various medications for stomach aches.  Yet, I knew something was wrong; something was wrong with my baby and no one would believe me.

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In 2014, on Christmas Eve night, my husband made a comment that I truly believed saved our little girl. He said, “I hope it isn’t neurological.”  We immediately went to the internet and Googled “neurological spasm.”  A list of websites and information appeared before us; some of them videos titled “Infantile spasms, seizures.”  The more we watch and read the more we were convinced this is what our precious daughter was suffering from these vicious spasms.  The suggestions were to see a neurologist as soon as possible. So, the day after Christmas we called her pediatrician. They sent us directly to the Emergency Room. Doctors were finally beginning to listen to us and an EEG was ordered.  It was later confirmed, she was having infantile spasms (seizures) with hypsarrhythmia; a catastrophic form of epilepsy.  She was having up to 300 seizures a day.

From there, we were admitted to Children’s Hospital in Knoxville.unnamed-2 Molly had an MRI scheduled for the following day.  Tubers/tumors were found on her brain. Our sweet baby was diagnosed with Tuberous Sclerosis Complex (TSC).  Our world had been turned upside down for weeks, but now, now there were no words to express our emotions; we were numb.

Molly was put on a medication to help with the seizures and it didn’t work.  We then went to Birmingham and saw a pediatric physician who specialized in TSC.   They placed her on another medication that we had to inject into her through a shot.  While on this medication, Molly lost her sweet and innocent personality.   My seven month old baby no longer engaged with anyone, smiled, or played; instead she was lethargic…my heart was broken!  After time, we found the correct medications and gained control over her seizures.  Molly gained her smile back and started to flourish.  She was seizure free for four months!  I remember driving home one night in July and being so happy and grateful  at how well Molly was doing; how much she had overcome!  Then, that very next day, my fears resurfaced.  Molly began to have complex partial seizures.  It was starting all over again!

Over that past eleven months, Molly tried several different seizure medications. They have helped, but we still do not have complete control over her seizures. Currently, Molly is on four different seizure medications, she has physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy weekly.

If you look at Molly, you see a beautiful, almost two year-old, red headed toddler.  She is amazing and an inspiration.  Molly’s vocabulary is currently limited; however, she has no problems making her point clear and letting you know what she wants.  Her personality is one of a kind.  She currently has brain, heart, and skin involvement. Although, we don’t know what tomorrow may bring, we are thankful for each second!  We will never take her smile for granted!  Even though Molly may face more challenges and obstacles in life, we will continue to stand by her and help her grow and fight for a cure! Although Molly may have a disability, her disability does not define who she is.

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My New Normal

Evie Cards outfit

Day 9 of of Blogging For TSC Awareness

by guest blogger Jackie Grenia  (St. Louis, Missouri)

For 15 years, my normal consisted of all things BOY.  In 2014, remarried with now a fourth son, and pregnant with a girl, I knew that my normal was going to change significantly. Everleigh Sophia was born on December 5, 2014, after 41 weeks of an uncomplicated pregnancy and about 10 hours of beautiful labor.

This pregnancy, so unexpected, and belated, worried me, but by the time my gorgeous girl appeared, my worry took a backseat to my joy. I was so grateful to have this experience again. Evie arrived into a room full of eager family.  7lb, 5oz with all 10 fingers and all 10 toes.  Perfection!

Everleigh was wonderful and distinct.  Nothing about my experience with her felt normal from day one. My mommy instinct kept telling me that something was “off” but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I’d express my concern to anyone that would listen but kept hearing that I was used to boys and this girl was bound to be different.  She seemed so restless and irritable, so nursing was a challenge to say the least.  She made strange, unfamiliar noises that we jokingly referred to as her “growl”.  She also looked dramatically to the side (first right and then left) & fluttered her eyes often.  We again joked…”she’s a diva”, “already stubborn, refusing to look us in the eye”.  Was this all normal baby stuff? Had it been so long that I’d forgotten?

Evie was nine weeks old and I was unable to shake my unease.  My DSC_0306 (800x536)gut wasn’t just telling me there was a problem, it was screaming at me. No doubt, I was trying everything.  I was a slave to google. I made numerous calls to lactation consultants. I took her for extra visits to her pediatrician. I visited another “holistic” pediatrician some miles away (who performed a frenectomy of her upper lip and tongue in an attempt to improve what might be the cause of her breastfeeding problems). We had multiple pediatric chiropractic appointments (to treat what was believed to be torticollis). Each time, I would be reassured that these were “normal” baby issues and each time I would go home to the continued feeling that we were missing something.  I sat staring at my sweet girl, crying, and that’s when I began putting all of the behaviors together.  I suspected seizures. It took a couple of days to completely convince myself and my husband (who was now getting used to coming home to hear my “freak out” about Evie’s behaviors of the day).

We nervously went to our pediatrician on February 11th, and after she actually witnessed the “behaviors”, we were promptly sent to St. Louis Children’s Hospital.  The ER doctors agreed that it was seizure like activity.  Could she possibly have an infection? I was almost excited. That must be it!  She lives with 4 hygiene deficient boys.  Simple explanation!  An acute infection that has caused some seizures.  We can treat it and move on. The ER staff drew blood, performed a spinal tap, started antibiotics and asked us a thousand questions. They gave her Ativan and almost immediately, the seizures stopped. A CT was suggested just as a precaution. We accompanied her and then waited for answers.

DSCN0036Only moments later, a nice young doctor entered the ER room to tell us that he had preliminary results.  This is when my normal exploded into a thousand pieces. I heard what must be two of the most feared words a parent could hear, brain and tumors.  It all happened so fast. I felt sick, dizzy, confused.  We were told that the tumors were benign and most likely due to a genetic disease. Something like tumerous?  tubulous? scler something??  Evie would be admitted for more testing to confirm. I wasn’t even quite sure what he had said.  He exited the room and I sat dumbfounded.

The next two days were a whirlwind.  Evie had more tests than I’ve had in my 43 years of life. An echocardiogram, EKG, EEG, Brain MRI, Abdominal MRI, and general X-rays. The diagnosis was confirmed.  It was a rare genetic disorder; tuberous sclerosis. We were told that our daughter had “multiple brain tumors…too numerous to count”.  The tests revealed five tumors within her heart, multiple, small tumors in both kidneys, along with the tumors in her brain. We were given some informational pamphlets and told that there are varying degrees of the disease and there is no way of knowing how Evie will be affected. Our job was to go home and give her a daily anti-seizure medication and monitor her. Seriously? Monitor what? I wanted to ask what to expect, but they had already said there is no way of knowing. I glanced at the information but honestly didn’t want to know the possibilities.  What’s the point?  I didn’t want to spend any time worrying about what might be.

We went home and it was like a miracle.  Our irritable, uncomfortable baby was now much calmer.  The seizures were gone and nursing was improving.  She still had her quirks, some rigidness, and a left gaze, but I could deal with that.  It wasn’t so bad.  I decided that everything was going to be fine, if anything, better than before her diagnosis. I went into a state of blissful denial.

And then it began again.  Two weeks later, the seizures returned.  It felt like a slap in the face. This was followed by more doctor visits, an ER visit, med adjustments, and finally another hospitalization before the seizures finally stopped. My bliss disappeared. Maybe it was time to educate myself.

I obviously hope for a mild case for Evie.  She’s had more seizures, but I am now educated and somewhat prepared.  I will not allow TSC to take another cheap shot at me. I’m smarter and stronger. I’m tapping into all of the resources available and going to bed each night knowing that I’m doing everything that I can. I’m definitely “on the lookout” which no doubt makes me seem a bit more nervous than usual.  But, I’m also much more aware of the beautiful moments in each day. My eyes are opened wider. My love feels deeper. I’d like to think that I’m becoming a better mom to all of my children.

I never would have thought that my normal would include a seizure diary, daily medications, weekly therapy appointments and discussions of MRI results.  Of course, I never expected to see my boys nuzzling with their baby sister or hear them talk sweetly to her while she admiringly coos. I feel blessed to experience this new normal.

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