Tag Archives: tumors

Tuberous Sclerosis Complex Awareness Day “Thingie”

Day 15 of Blogging for TSC Awareness Month

by guest blogger Julia Gray  (Atlanta, Georgia)

I’m supposed to write about my identity.

Frankly, that’s easier said than done.

I’ve been told that INFP personalities,

Like me,

Have a hard time getting their thoughts and feelings

Out of their heads and into real life.

In the words of Holden Caulfield,

I can’t explain what I mean.

And even if I could,

I’m not sure I’d feel like it.

But I might as well try.

I am tumors

Surrounded by a body

A brain

And a vast imagination.

I am an annual MRI visit.

I have to lie completely still, quitting my twitching and itching for an hour while I lay inside a huge metal cylinder that takes pictures of the problem areas.

I am an uneven heartbeat

Belonging to a heart that wants to dance away from its problems

Or just write or draw them into oblivion.

I am the constant fear that when I zoned out just now I had a seizure and didn’t notice.

I am a lot of things.

An imagination.

Unending passion.

Personality.

I’m not just a cluster of tumors.

They say I’m a rarity,

An unfortunate privilege for people like them.

Unfortunate for me, that is.

They love it.

When my disease, my tumors and I walk into a room together, and the putrid medicinal smell pervades my nose,

We are involuntarily attached,

And they thrive on it.

I’m like a scientific oddity.

They are an undesired gift

For them and their white coats to gawk at and inspect.

I am known as my disease.

But I am not my disease.

Or my tumors.

I am a victim of it.

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Bailey

Day 13 of Guest Blogging for TSC Awareness

by Becca Patterson  (Greenwood, Mississippi)

My name is Bailey and I am 5 years old. I was diagnosed with TSC when I started having seizures at 5 months. I’ve had almost every type of seizure there is but currently my seizures are under control.

I have tumors & tubers in my brain, small tumors in my kidneys, and every skin abnormality associated with TSC. I am non-verbal, physically and mentally delayed, and autistic.

I am also beautiful, silly, sweet, and a spit-fire. I am TSC.

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One Hour At A Time

Day 6 of Blogging for TSC Awareness Month

by guest blogger Fatima Badri  (London, England)IMG_5356

I had a pretty normal pregnancy; all of our scans and tests showed that our beautiful boy was growing normally and we had nothing to worry about.

Our 36-week scan would be our last chance to see our boy before he made his big entrance into the world, so we were very excited. Little did we know that November 13, 2014 would be the day that our world would come crashing down.

“I see a tumour in the baby’s heart. I am going to ask a doctor to come in to double check,” said the sonographer. Within 10 minutes I had four doctors in the room, confirmation of several tumours and a probable diagnosis of tuberous sclerosis. I had the legal right to terminate, mental retardation, epilepsy all thrown at me by the doctors and I couldn’t utter a word. But inside I was screaming. This wasn’t happening to me; any minute now someone will say a mistake has been made, but unfortunately that minute never came.

The following week a fetal MRI showed brain tumours and a tuberous sclerosis diagnosis was confirmed.

I spent the next four weeks reading everything I found on the internet IMG_3640about TSC and I cried like I had never cried before. My heart ached for my baby, and it ached for my husband for losing the normal healthy son he was so looking forward to having. I resented every healthy baby and all the mothers that would never experience this overwhelming pain. Most of all I hated myself for being healthy but carrying a baby that had a disease that had no cure.

Eli was born on December 15. We had accepted his diagnosis and had great hope that we might be one of the lucky ones and his case would be a mild one. Once again God had other plans for us. Eli started having seizures from birth. Doctors gave us worst case scenarios and told us that the likelihood of Eli being a severe case was high as he presented with seizures so early on. That night I begged God that whatever Eli ends up with, please don’t take him away from me. To this day I refuse to ask the question about his life expectancy.

IMG_2762Eli is now 4 and half months old, we are at the beginning of our journey and the road ahead of us is long , there are many uncertainties that lie ahead.My heart breaks a little more with every test Eli has. People tell me that I’m strong but I don’t see what other choice I have. My son needs me to be strong for him. He needs me to fight this disease and not give up.

With every milestone that Eli meets my heart soars with happiness, but at the same time a crippling fear overtakes me; one big seizure and he could lose it all.

One night when I felt nothing but despair, a mother of a TSC child told me to take it an hour at a time and not think too far ahead. At times I catch myself looking at young boys out and about and wonder if my Eli will be like them? Will he ever talk, walk or have friends, but then I have to stop myself and come back to the here and now.

My boy smiles at me when he wakes up in the mornings and for that I am eternally grateful.

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You are not winning, TSC.

Day 2 of Blogging for TSC Awareness Month
by guest blogger Mary Garnett  (Roanoke, Virginia)

10530697_10152504883715700_7231308209995918033_nI was just 24 weeks pregnant when the words “tuberous sclerosis complex” were muttered to my husband and me, and pamphlets about this disorder were thrust into our hands by the doctor. They found cardiac rhabdomyomas on my otherwise healthy baby boy in utero. From that point on, I had biweekly monitoring by multiple doctors, scanning every bit of our child to detect any other marker of TSC and they did not find anything, even after a fetal MRI.

Our little boy, Owen, made his appearance on March 16 at exactly 1619175_435903126574175_3888823022529246311_n40 weeks. Everything about labor and delivery couldn’t have been more perfect and our son scored wonderfully on Apgar and hearing. After four days and some NICU monitoring, we were able to take our little man home to enjoy. We didn’t realize how soon that would change.

Three and a half weeks later, I began noticing a twitching of Owen’s r11046409_447237978774023_1711788437182916419_night arm. I had done my research on TSC and the different types of seizures I should be on the watch for. Intuition was telling me these WERE seizures. My husband was more optimistic, but the twitching was increasing, so off to the pediatrician we went. Following that appointment, we were immediately sent to be admitted at the hospital after our pediatrician got to witness what I had been seeing all along.

Multiple tests including a lumbar puncture and bloodwork came back normal. It was not until a VEEG was done that we got our confirmation that these were indeed seizures. A brain MRI the next day then officially diagnosed our son with TSC after finding multiple tumors in our son’s brain. You know when four doctors, a chaplain and social worker walk into your hospital room at the same time, that the news can’t be good. Owen was started on his first anti-epileptic medication that same day. We were thrilled when it worked from the first dose and were excited to go home, thinking this was the end of seizures for Owen. That medication worked for three days.

Multiple seizure types, six medications, one diet and one brain surgery later…

Owen is now 13 months old and experiencing freedom from seizures for the first time since he was a newborn. How has someone who just celebrated their first birthday been through so much already? How does he continue to smile and play despite seizures wreaking havoc on his development for 11 months? Because this kid has strength and spirit that only God could bestow.

We don’t know what the future holds for Owen, but we don’t care. He has taught us that no matter the battle, the strength to continue on will always be there for him, and for us that is enough. You are not winning, TSC.

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