All posts by Rebecca Gaunt

Writer and special needs mom. Go Dawgs! All opinions expressed in my blogs are my own. They do not provide legal or medical advice.

Why, why, why is it so hard to get my child his medication?

I am an incredible multi-tasker. I am currently writing this blog, on hold with United Healthcare, and having a mental breakdown. Congratulations! You f*&^%$# finally made me cry. I’ve been pissed. But you hadn’t made me cry yet. That took a conjoined effort of United Healthcare, Optum RX, and Accredo Pharmacy.

It started when we got a letter from United Healthcare that they were switching from Medco Pharmacies (which houses Accredo where we get Connor’s Sabril) to Optum RX pharmacies. All mail order prescriptions should automatically switch over. Of course this raised my cautious red flags. So as soon as the change happened April 1 I called to check the status. After talking to a couple different people, it was established that Optum doesn’t carry Sabril (vigabatrin). I was referred back to Accredo. “So everything stays the same?” I asked. “Yes.” I was told. So today I called Accredo to refill the prescription. First time it picks up to silence. So I hang up and call again. Someone answers this time. They would not fill it as my prescription had been transferred over Optum. “Oooookay. So I call them to fix this?” “Yes.”

I call, listen to more piped music, and give all my personal info twice more to Optum to be told that it’s on Accredo to call and ask that the prescription be sent back, and that they should have offered to do so. Call Accredo again. Again, their line picks up to silence, and I have to hang up and call again. More holding. I tell them that they have to call Optum and get the prescription back. They tell me they can’t because I have no active insurance with them after March 31. They still can’t fill it. “So I call united Healthcare and tell them to do what? What exactly do they need?” I’m told to call UH and ask them to open an active account with Medco so Accredo can fill the prescription.

I call United Healthcare, more holding, more giving all my info, lots more holding, trying to explain, getting transferred, and I end up back on the phone with someone at OptumRX again. NOT what I asked for. He again starts the process of refilling Connor’s Sabril. “But two people told me you don’t have it. You’re saying you can fill it now?”

“I have it right here. I’ll take care of this for you.” I wanted to hope for a second, but deep down I knew where this was going again. “Oh, we have the prescription, but we don’t actually have the med.” Yes. Exactly what I’ve been saying. YOU have the prescription, but can’t fill it because you don’t have the med. Accredo has the med, but doesn’t have the prescription or authorization.

Finally, I do what I should have done all along and call SHARE, who works with the manufacturer to deal with prescriptions. They are now working on getting United Healthcare to give an authorization to one of their participating pharmacies so we can refill his prescription. Obviously who I should have called first, but for the love of God, people aren’t psychic. Those of us outside the medical world don’t understand the inner workings. I don’t fully understand the Lundbeck (manufacturer)/Share/Insurance connection. i just know my kid needs his stupid medication. And nobody offered me any instruction on how to handle this. All I got was a letter from my insurance making it sound like a simple switchover.

I guess I am not meant to understand this world of medical mysteries. I suppose I will never know the following:

1. Why a mail order medication can be so difficult to get your hands on, seemingly more difficult and a kazillion times more expensive now than back when people had to get it from Canada because it wasn’t approved here.

2. How a cranial remolding helmet can appear to be covered, I can be charged our uncovered 20 percent, only for United Healthcare to later deny the claim, forcing time to be wasted on an appeal.

3. Why CHOA employees never return phone calls. (Hey Wanda in medical records, it’s been over a month, but fortunately it turned out I don’t need that paperwork after all, so I guess just don’t worry about it.)

4. Why Obamacare doesn’t attack the heart of the country’s issue, which is that hospitals are charging increasingly outrageous prices with no rhyme or reason, operating off of Chargemasters that aren’t standardized or remotely in line with the actual cost of care, and are allowing this medical crisis a major role in the country’s debt.

Et cetera….et cetera…et cetera…

And to top it off, seizure activity is definitely back. I suspected I was maybe seeing very occasional absence seizures, but then yesterday we saw this. So thank you, hospitals and insurance. All the families dealing with health issues can count on you, that no matter how strong they are, how positively they approach their problems, you will always be there to try to break us.

And I guess now, 2.5 hours after getting up, after writing this blog in a mere fraction of the time I spent on the phone this morning, I will finally have my breakfast.

Oops! I Passed on Too Much Pretty in My DNA.

Connor has never been mistaken for a girl. Even when he barely had any hair and wore onesies that were up for debate. But suddenly in the last few weeks:

At Kroger: How old is she?

At Antique Store: She sure has some rosy cheeks.

On Internet: What a beautiful little girl.

In Some Other Place: What’s her name?

This has happened nine or ten times recently. Well, he is the prettiest baby ever. That’s not his fault. The long wispy tendrils curling over his ears and starting to climb down his collar…those aren’t his fault either. They’re mine. I always thought moms that couldn’t bring themselves to cut their kids’ hair were overly-emotional weirdos. And then his first birthday, when I said I’d cut his hair, rolled around. Apparently the same disease that makes me call things “foody food”, “milky milk”, and “sleepy sleeps” has invaded my ability to be the indifferent badass that once thought the following were good ideas:

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I’m lying. I still think they are.

Nonetheless, Chris seemed uncomfortable with the dichotomy of having always been told Connor looks exactly like him and now constantly hearing about how adorable his daughter is. Plus, I feel really awkward correcting people. So here it is. Connor’s first haircut, two days before he turns 13 months.

Before:

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After:

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Let me help you with that. I love sharp objects.
Let me help you with that. I love sharp objects.
Maybe this toy will distract you from grabbing for the scissors.
Maybe this toy will distract you from grabbing for the scissors.

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It's gonna take two of you to stop me from getting that razor.
It’s gonna take two of you to stop me from getting that razor.
Can I say, "That's hot!" Or will I have to pay royalties to Paris Hilton?
Can I say, “That’s hot!” Or will I have to pay royalties to Paris Hilton?

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1999

Calling Guest Bloggers!

IMG_2422I’m looking for guest bloggers dealing with TSC for the month of May! You can share your personal story, the story of a family member, or a topic in TSC. For example, school and IEP issues, making friends and family understand, challenges in living with it as an adult etc. Pictures welcome. At the end of the post I will include a link to your blog, Etsy Shop, TSC fundraising page, whatever you like as long as it’s YOUR page.

And by the way, I’m always interested in hearing from guest bloggers on other topics as well. Got a blog? Share your story here  and link to yours. Mommy stuff, fun things, travel, food and other medical conditions that you want to spread awareness of. E-mail me at pin.the.map@gmail.com.

 

Tanglewood Farms…and serious matters, too.

Does anyone know how long the ear-shattering shrieking phase lasts? Asking for a friend.

Connor is continuing to do well. Since mastering sitting at the beginning of January he has increased his range of reach around him, and pulls himself back to sitting from positions from which he would have toppled right over not so long ago. His flexibility is frankly disturbing. But when one wants toes, one will have them.

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If assisted into a crawling position he can maintain it and lift an arm to reach for a toy. He can also hold himself in a standing position. The key is to now help him achieve these positions independently. Oh, and move while in them. My lower back longs for the day.

The good news is that we still haven’t seen any eye-rolling seizures since February 10. The bad news is that I suspect he may be having occasional absence seizures upon waking. I’ve counted maybe 6 or 7 instances in which shortly after waking up, he purses his lips tightly and stares off to the side. They aren’t very long–maybe 20 seconds or so. They don’t seem to have any lingering effect on him, but it’s still frustrating. We get these little windows of no seizures, and then something changes. We see the neurologist again on the 24th so we’ll discuss it then. Of course, this is much better than what was going on before.

As I mentioned, his current mode of communication is high-pitched shrieking. It’s kind of funny until he keeps it up for half an hour. Or we’re in a restaurant. He’s otherwise so well behaved in public, but his love of his own voice shattered some mimosa glasses at brunch the other day. Hear it for yourself. But don’t click that at work. People will think you are seriously weird. And then watch this just because it’s funny to see how much he loves seeing himself.

I’m having trouble gathering my sarcastic thoughts since I’ve been watching CNN coverage of the bombing at the Boston Marathon all day, so here are some happy pictures of our trip to Tanglewood Farms, an awesome petting zoo of miniature animals in Canton, Georgia.

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The only downfall of the weekend was that Connor exhibited some signs of allergies. After we had been at the farm for a bit, he began to rub his face into us again, and his eyes seemed itchy. This also happened the day before at a friends birthday party. Pollen? Like Daddy? Orrrr….

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was it the pony at the party? Pollen or farm animals? Pollen counts were at record highs (or so I’m told. Pollen only affects me as far as irritating me by getting all over my car and porch rocking chairs). Time will tell…

A Warning to Young People: Don’t Become a Teacher

I could take the time to come up with my own post…or I could just share this recent Huffington Post article that covers it so well.

By Randy Turner (original post here)

Nothing I have ever done has brought me as much joy as I have received from teaching children how to write the past 14 years. Helping young writers grow and mature has been richly rewarding and I would not trade my experiences for anything.

That being said, if I were 18 years old and deciding how I want to spend my adult years, the last thing I would want to become is a classroom teacher.

Classroom teachers, especially those who are just out of college and entering the profession, are more stressed and less valued than at any previous time in our history.

They have to listen to a long list of politicians who belittle their ability, blame them for every student whose grades do not reach arbitrary standards, and want to take away every fringe benefit they have — everything from the possibility of achieving tenure to receiving a decent pension.

Young teachers from across the United States have told me they no longer have the ability to properly manage classrooms, not because of lack of training, not because of lack of ability, not because of lack of desire, but because of upper administration decisions to reduce statistics on classroom referrals and in-school and out-of-school suspensions. As any classroom teacher can tell you, when the students know there will be no repercussions for their actions, there will be no change in their behavior. When there is no change in their behavior, other students will have a more difficult time learning.

Teachers are being told over and over again that their job is not to teach, but to guide students to learning on their own. While I am fully in favor of students taking control of their learning, I also remember a long list of teachers whose knowledge and experience helped me to become a better student and a better person. They encouraged me to learn on my own, and I did, but they also taught me many things. In these days when virtual learning is being force-fed to public schools by those who will financially benefit, the classroom teacher is being increasingly devalued. The concept being pushed upon us is not of a teacher teaching, but one of who babysits while the thoroughly engaged students magically learn on their own.

During the coming week in Missouri, the House of Representatives will vote on a bill which would eliminate teacher tenure, tie 33 percent of our pay to standardized test scores (and a lesser, unspecified percentage for those who teach untested subjects) and permit such innovations as “student surveys” to become a part of the evaluation process.

Each year, I allow my students to critique me and offer suggestions for my class. I learn a lot from those evaluations and have implemented some of the suggestions the students have made. But there is no way that eighth graders’ opinions should be a part of deciding whether I continue to be employed.

The Missouri House recently passed a budget that included $2.5 million to put Teach for America instructors in our urban schools. The legislature also recently acted to extend the use of ABCTE (American Board for Certification of Teacher Excellence), a program that allows people to switch careers and become teachers without having to go through required teaching courses.

It is hard to get past the message being sent that our teachers are not good enough so we have to go outside to find new ones.

And of course to go along with all of these slaps in the face to classroom teachers, the move toward merit pay continues. Merit pay and eliminating teacher tenure, while turning teachers into at-will employees are the biggest disservice our leaders can do to students. How many good classroom teachers will no longer be in the classroom because they question decisions by ham handed administrators looking to quickly make a name for themselves by implementing shortsighted procedures that might look good on resumes, but will have a negative impact on student learning.

If you don’t believe this kind of thing will happen, take a look at what has occurred in our nation’s public schools since the advent of No Child Left Behind. Everything that is not math or reading has been de-emphasized. The teaching of history, civics, geography, and the arts have shrunk to almost nothing in some schools, or are made to serve the tested areas. Elementary children have limited recess time so more time can be squeezed in for math and reading.

Even worse, in some schools weeks of valuable classroom time are wasted giving practice standardized tests (and tests to practice for the practice standardized tests) so obsessive administrators can track how the students are doing. In many school districts across the nation, teachers have told me, curriculum is being based on these practice standardized tests.

That devaluation and de-emphasis of classroom teachers will grow under Common Core Standards. Pearson, the company that has received the contract to create the tests, has a full series of practice tests, while other companies like McGraw-Hill with its Acuity division, are already changing gears from offering practice materials for state tests to providing comprehensive materials for Common Core.

Why would anyone willingly sign up for this madness?

As a reporter who covered education for more than two decades, and as a teacher who has been in the classroom for the past 14 years, I cannot remember a time when the classrooms have been filled with bad teachers. The poor teachers almost never lasted long enough to receive tenure. Whether it is was because they could not maintain control over their classrooms or because they did not have sufficient command over their subject matter, they soon found it wise to find another line of work.

Yes, there are exceptions — people who slipped through the cracks, and gained tenure, but there is nothing to stop administrators from removing those teachers. All tenure does is to provide teachers with the right to a hearing. It does not guarantee their jobs.

Times have changed. I have watched over the past few years as wonderfully gifted young teachers have left the classroom, feeling they do not have support and that things are not going to get any better.

In the past, these are the teachers who stayed, earned tenure, and built the solid framework that has served their communities and our nation well.

That framework is being torn down, oftentimes by politicians who would never dream of sending their own children to the kind of schools they are mandating for others.
Despite all of the attacks on the teachers, I am continually amazed at the high quality of the young people who are entering the profession. It is hard to kill idealism, no matter how much our leaders (in both parties) try.

I suppose I am just kidding myself about encouraging young people to enter some other profession, any other profession, besides teaching.

After all, what other profession would allow me to make $37,000 a year after 14 years of experience and have people tell me how greedy I am?

A quick and easy favor to ask…

April 15 is approaching and that is the deadline for your representative to sign the Dear Colleague letter to fund the Tuberous Sclerosis Complex Research Program. And that’s pretty much all you have to say…that as one of their constituents, you want them to sign ASAP.  If you suffer from, or know someone who suffers from it, you can personalize it. If your only experience is through this blog, please feel free to share about Connor. This is my most recent follow up to my representative. It was quick and easy to send:

Dear Representative Price,
I’m writing to urge you to sign the Dear Colleague letter to fund the Tuberous Sclerosis Complex Research Program. The deadline is April 15. This research doesn’t just help those afflicted with TSC. It also helps those with traumatic brain injury (which is why this is funded by the DoD), epilepsy, autism, many cancers, diabetes etc. In February, I met with you, along with two other constituents, Reiko Donato and Wendi Scheck, to urge you to sign this. We also shared letters and personal stories with you from several other constituents who are also dealing with this genetic disorder that causes benign tumors to grow on the organs. We are counting on you to represent our needs in Washington. We are eagerly watching the growing list of signers, hoping to see your name appear.

Thank you,

Not sure who your rep is? Look here. Then just go to their site to get their e-mail!

Thank you for your support!Image

How I Found Perspective

My one-year-old son Connor and I were stalked the other day. It happened at Target as I pushed his umbrella stroller through the women’s clothing section. Our stalker darted from clothing rack to clothing rack, unaware that I was watching out of the corner of my eye. I’d estimate that she was about five, and I’m pretty sure the reason she was following us was because she wanted to know what the thing was on Connor’s head. I would have just told her, simply said, “Oh, it’s just a cranial remolding helmet for the plagiocephaly that has occurred in the posterior region of his skull. No biggie.” Okay, that’s not really the way I would say it to a five-year-old, but I felt like I would ruin her fun by acknowledging her presence.

Yes, Connor has a fancy, new, almost $3,000 hat. And that’s minus any bling. You’d think three grand would get you some rhinestones or something. Thus far it has not impeded his favorite activities, which include throwing everything on the floor and turning his bottle upside down and squeezing the nipple to fill his belly button with milk. Or this:

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Connor’s physical therapist had brought up the possibility of a helmet many, many months ago when the flattening of his skull was much more extreme. We were able to do a great deal of correction simply by positioning his head, but he was still left with some residual flatness as he neared the age of one, so his neurologist suggested moving forward. I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of a helmet, but accepted it. I made the appointment and took Connor for the fitting. There were pictures and sample helmets around the office. I actually found myself getting a little excited. Having to get the helmet wasn’t ideal, but I couldn’t believe how adorable some of them were. There were tons of designs to choose from, and I narrowed my top two down to one with airplanes and one with soccer balls. Then the orthotist returned and obliterated my adorable vision of Connor with airplanes circling his head. He felt very strongly that the clear plastic helmets were a better choice than the more popular styrofoam lined version that come covered in adorableness. Plastic ones were less likely to chafe the skin, they don’t absorb sweat so they don’t stink, they are easier to clean and you can see any skin irritation that may be occurring. They can also be vented by drilling holes in them. I nodded along in agreement and said things like, “Can’t argue with that.” But in my head I was cursing the stupid practical helmet, that for the same price, comes minus flaming soccer balls. How do you say, “I want the cute one,” after that? But stinky styrofoam? I could wash dishes with the sweat that pours from Connor’s head, so clear plastic it was. That wasn’t the only moment my stomach would drop during the appointment. To be honest, I went in having done no research. I’ve spent the last year reading so much about his genetic condition of tuberous sclerosis complex that I just wasn’t that worried about a helmet. I’d find out the details when I needed to know them. So I was not expecting to hear that he had to wear it 23 hours a day. I also wasn’t excited to hear that while treatment is usually three to six months, since Connor didn’t get his until he was a year old, his treatment would likely be closer to six months than three.

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Those were my only negative moments though. Do I love the helmet? Not so much. I hate that it makes his head sweat so much that the effects of a bath are destroyed ten minutes after I put it back on his head. I hate that my adorable child has to wear it 23 hours a day. Oh, he’s still adorable in it mind you, but no parent wants anything to prevent onlookers from having the full experience of perfection that is their child.

I think if the last year had been “normal,” this helmet would really bother me. They’ve become much more common since the “Back to Sleep” campaign to combat SIDS, since putting babies on their backs has caused a huge increase in plagiocephaly (which is far preferable to SIDS, obviously). Nonetheless, I think I’d take it off him every time he left the house or someone came over. But the last year has not been normal. Connor was born with tuberous sclerosis complex, which causes benign tumors to grow in the organs. Currently, only his brain is affected, but we’ve dealt with five weeks in the NICU, seizures, brain surgery, daily administration of several medications, multiple EEGs, MRIs, infantile spasms, gross motor delay and speech delay. He has physical therapy, speech therapy and music therapy. I could care less about a stupid helmet.

I want a life where I care about the helmet. I also want a life where the opthamologist assures me that the occasional crossing of his one eye is not a big deal, but if it gets worse, it can be corrected with glasses, and then I freak out about how I don’t want him to have glasses. But I don’t care about the glasses either. I don’t want to be the mom that impresses the doctor by taking glasses (and helmets) in stride because after everything else, they just don’t matter.  “A lot of parents ask if their kids can just have eye surgery instead,” the assistant told me. “They’d rather their kid have surgery than have to wear glasses. I guess TSC really gives you perspective.”

Perspective. I’m drowning in it, whether I like it or not. And it only took me 31 years to find it.

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The Axis of Medical Evil, the Board of Education and Gordon Ramsay would totally love my shoe collection.

The weirdest thing happened when I called Boston Children’s Hospital to schedule Connor’s MRI for August when we will be up there for the TSC study again. An actual person answered the phone, and he immediately scheduled the test.

It was surreal. I dialed. Someone answered. Things were accomplished.

Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta at Scottish Rite to return a message I left with the medical records department 2.5 weeks ago. So my list of CHOA departments that don’t return phone calls is now:

1. Scottish Rite EEG (note: call was returned after I recruited neuro office to get involved)

2. Emory-CHOA billing (note: call was returned over a month later once I wrote a letter of complaint and sent a copy to every single board member including the CEO)

3. Scottish Rite Medical Records (note: pending)

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The reason I was calling them is that I recently submitted my application for Katie Beckett Medicaid, which, if approved, will help pick up costs of Connor’s medical care not covered by insurance. I’ve submitted 8 metric tons of paperwork, only (I hope) minus his surgery discharge papers. Those must have been accidentally thrown away. I don’t know if the board is going to want proof from the hospital (even though the neurology notes make plenty of reference to it, but it’s government after all) so as a precaution, I sent in a medical records request. None of the check off boxes described what I needed so I tried to explain what I was looking for. They don’t provide the records until they figure out what printing it will cost and then they send you a bill. Apparently the department thinks I need the whole 200 something pages and they want to charge me over $100 for it. So I called to clarify that all I need is a couple pages pertaining to the surgery and I’m not paying $100 for it. The discharge papers were like six pages for God’s sakes. That was 2.5 weeks ago. I hate CHOA and their unprofessional business ethic.

A couple companies that deserve a positive shout out so that I can offer contrast: Level 4 prosthetics. Connor recently got a cranial remolding helmet (a more detailed blog to come on that). At his initial screening, it appeared to be covered and we paid the uncovered 20 percent portion. Fast forward a few weeks and I arrive home today from one of Connor’s helmet follow-up appointments to find a denial from United Healthcare. Say what now? You want us to pay for this $3,000 helmet? So I freak and contact all his doctors and physical therapist to get proof of necessity, and then I call Level 4, who I should have called first. They’re already on the appeal for me. Good stuff. Thank you! And United Healthcare, my child is adorable in his helmet, but I assure you it’s not just a fun accessory.

The other company is AquaTots of Kennesaw. I became nervous that I would soon be doing time for homicide due to parents who think they get to save the limited dressing rooms for their swimmers, so I expressed my dissatisfaction. They were very quick to respond and remedy the situation. And now the mom who thinks it’s okay to let her children leave their cars in front of entrances where other customers can fall and hurt themselves walks the earth safely again (until she once again almost simultaneously paralyzes me and makes me change my kid on the floor, then all bets are off).

So these are my days. Doing Connor stuff, trying to get into some freelance writing and watching Roseanne reruns. I feel like I should miss working more, but I don’t. Probably because by the time I left, my teaching to do list had changed so drastically.

Sample To Do List 2005

1. Lesson plans for next week

2. Copy 2nd grade newsletter

3. pull center materials

4. choose new read aloud novel

5. try not to turn beet red, break out in hives and pass out from anxiety when undergoing mandatory teaching observations

Sample To Do List 2012

1. Some random excel sheet with random meaningless data to be submitted to someone who will never even read it, assigned 5 minutes ago, due now

2. see #1

3. see #2

4. Collect elevendy bajillion weeks worth of data so a student can receive services, but probably not

5. Attend a committee meeting

6. see #5

7. see #6

8. see #7

9. figure out what you’re teaching tomorrow. Somebody wants another excel sheet with data due in 5 minutes

10. try not to turn beet red, break out in hives and pass out from anxiety because it’s a work day

And all for less pay every year. Hey, I get it. There’s no money to be had. Just be ready to see more of this stuff on school property if you don’t want to pay people in the education profession:

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I won’t say where I took this recent photo. I might need them to hire me one day.

What I do miss is how hilarious some of those kids can be. I received texts from a former co-worker the other day. She teaches students now that I taught a couple years ago in first grade. They told her that my “shoes haunted them.” My heels were like two feet tall, and they always watched out for me because they were afraid I would topple over. If I’d known I would have based my compare/contrast lessons on heels vs. wedges.

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I also decided to start pursuing my original plan to make some of Connor’s food myself. I have the little baby blender/steamer combo, but I’ve only used it for pretty basic stuff. I decided to finally make one of the recipes from the little booklet that came with it. Hey, why not? Connor eats EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. This was the result:

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I used to be disgusted by moms drinking and eating after their kids, but the other day I found myself fighting the urge not to eat half his spaghetti and meat sauce. Then I let him drink out of my water bottle. But I also realized he has 50 percent of my DNA. That means it’s half my saliva. So that’s okay, right? Is that what these moms have known all along that I didn’t understand? Or should I just go out and buy some mom jeans now?

Despite the failure of my foray into baby chefery, I am still happy because winter is finally rolling out and warm days have come. I leave you with photos of my little Gordon Ramsay in a good mood enjoying the weather.

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Only a ball pit until it's warm enough to become a swimming pool!
Only a ball pit until it’s warm enough to become a swimming pool!

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I’m nobody, but I’ll still tell you what I think about marriage equality.

I’m so baffled by  the people who oppose marriage equality because they say it will destroy the institution of marriage. Where is this traditional marriage-created utopia these people think they live in? Can we stop pretending that marriage has some great history? Tell me again…what is the current divorce rate? Doesn’t marriage actually have a pretty rocky background?

Marriage is like living at Disney World…

Marriage has been used historically to serve business and financial purposes (Hello, Downton Abbey) and so that men could be assured of paternity. Marriage has not typically been something that benefitted women. At various times and in various cultures women have been forced to marry much older men at very young ages, have been treated and traded like property, have been subject to rules that didn’t apply equally to men (death penalty for adultery), and have been denied the right to inherit their husband’s property and money. Women were expected to be virgins when wed, but society allowed men to do whatever they wanted.

We should ban Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian from getting married again if we want to protect marriage. Tiger Woods shouldn’t even be allowed to leave his house. David Petraeus, John Edwards, Bill Clinton…boy, did they respect the institution.

But the Bible says…

Marriages take place for a lot of reasons besides religious beliefs. The church doesn’t even have to be involved in a wedding. That’s optional. Two people can go to a justice of the peace and have a wedding that does not have one ounce of religion in it. Atheists can marry. People beyond the age of child-bearing, or simply medically unable to do so can marry, so there goes the procreation argument. Heck, for a while, in ancient times, the church preferred people not marry as it took their focus off God. Celibacy was ideal as it prevented distraction from God by family. But when the church realized that was a losing battle, they jumped on board the wedding train.

And let’s get real here. The Bible says a lot of things that don’t fly in 2013. Isn’t there something about stoning people? Oh and these? Or these! XI is my favorite!

Who wrote the Bible? God, many will say. Well, okay, but through people, yes? People never have agendas do they?

If marriage is sacred and holy to you, great. But let’s not pretend that’s the only reason why it exists.

But what happens next?

Perverted old members of NAMBLA will demand the right to marry little boys because they were born that way! Ummm…actually, no. That is not a marriage of two consenting adults. That’s child sexual abuse and nowhere near the same thing. People will want to marry goats! Well, if the goat learns how to sign legal documents and can communicate that it is a consenting adult, to the open bar I will go.

Homosexuality is not a traditional, acceptable lifestyle, some say.

Then let’s bar them from being in “traditional” committed monogamous relationships. That’s the solution.

But kids have a right to a mother and father!

Another of my favorite arguments. Because ALL kids have a mother and father now. I forgot that our utopian little world doesn’t have any single parents. I forgot that a parent would NEVER walk away from their responsibility. I forgot that a parent could never die. I forgot that a straight person would never, ever raise a child in anything other than the traditional family unit. Better only one parent, than two of the same sex, though.

What about the children?

Of course, there is the obvious point that if gay couples marry and have children, these children will be all messed up from growing up in such an amoral household. That’s a hard one to argue. Oh, wait, actually it’s not because I spent seven years in a public school classroom. You think sexual orientation has bearing on the ability to parent?  These are just a few of the sad things I’ve seen:

~a student told not to read by a parent because it was a waste of time

~homework blatantly completed by parents

~a parent demand I send home pencils for homework because they didn’t think they should have to buy any

~a student told by a parent that the reason he gets in trouble is because the entire staff is racist (but not because he’s disruptive, throws things, hits, or runs)

~countless parents that never show up to anything, whether it be conferences or events

~a student that wouldn’t attend a musical unless given a solo (via a note written by a parent)

~a female student not permitted to play any sport because she’s a girl

I could go on.

These all occurred in straight households of varying race and socioeconomic status. And they are not indicative of the “typical” families I worked with. But maybe being straight isn’t enough on the list of criteria.

For further examples, please see: Teen Mom, Dance Moms, and Toddlers and Tiaras. (Thanks Jon Stewart)

I’ve had a number of students over the years from same-sex households. Some of those parents volunteered in the room. And all were very involved with their kids. I’m not saying I always saw eye-to-eye with every one of those parents, but I can assure you, that if there was an issue, it was nothing that didn’t occur with a traditional straight family. Damaged children? I assure you not. I’ve taught damaged children. Trust me. One of my top students in my last year had two dads. She made straight As, read like a fiend, and made power points about pet care and animal adoption for fun. Quick! Somebody call DFCS!

The government wanted to get involved in marriage so now they can deal with that decision. There is no reason that two people who want to commit to each other shouldn’t have access to a loved one in the hospital with a medical condition, file a joint tax return, have a family medical plan, and all that other legal mumbo jumbo. Let’s stop putting marriage, as it has been, on a pedestal. Let’s stop reinventing a history where marriage has always equalled a world of Care Bears and Skittle rainbows. Some marriages are great. Some are awful. God forbid we give another group of people the opportunity to give it a shot.

To clarify, I’m not anti-marriage. My parents have been married forty years. I’m happily married. But in my opinion, while surely there have been great marriages throughout history, as an “institution” it has only become a good thing for women in the last few decades. In the past, sometimes the only thing worse for women than being married, was not being married. It was like voting in one of our presidential elections. Choose the lesser of two evils. Marriage has not always defined our culture in a positive way. So let’s try something new.

nph

Purple and red go together like Bert and Ernie.

“Bert + Ernie for Marriage Equality” / Toy Sto...
“Bert + Ernie for Marriage Equality” / Toy Story / SML.20130327.IdealHusbands.Remix (Photo credit: See-ming Lee 李思明 SML)

IMG_3121Connor does not own a stitch of purple and Chris wasn’t on board with me dying his hair purple to match mine, so I recruited friends and family to wear purple on his behalf yesterday  for Purple Day and epilepsy awareness. Connor has epilepsy due to his brain tubers from TSC. That being said, we have not seen any seizure activity since Feb. 10.We didn’t do too shabby considering we were in stiff competition with the sea of red washing over Facebook due to the Supreme Court hearings on gay marriage. It was bad timing for me as red is definitely my color and I have a ton of it. But since that is a two-day affair, today I got to discover that my still purple hair goes great with a red top. Politics, schmolitics. I’m in it for the fashion. And who knows. Maybe someday, people will figure out that you can’t claim to have Jesus in your heart, and in the same breath, call someone a fag and condemn them to hell.

My mom rocking the layered purple look.
My mom rocking the layered purple look.
Arianna strikes a pose in a very fashionable ensemble.
Arianna strikes a pose in a very fashionable ensemble.
Giovana took her purple to the court house (where she's an interpreter, not a criminal).
Giovana took her purple to the court house (where she’s an interpreter, not a criminal).
Mieka represented in Canada.
Mieka represented in Canada.
Sara claimed she was having a bad face day, but she's never needed an excuse to send me a picture of her chest.
Sara claimed she was having a bad face day, but she’s never before needed an excuse to send me a picture of her chest.
Asma doesn't believe in wearing purple pantsuits to court, but eye shadow is another story (lawyer this time, still not a criminal-officially).
Asma doesn’t believe in wearing purple pantsuits to court, but eye shadow is another story (lawyer this time, still not a criminal-officially).
Sondra and Jareyl rocked some mother/son purple.
Sondra and Jareyl rocked some mother/son purple.
Rachel doesn't do purple clothes, but she does purple flowers.
Rachel doesn’t do purple clothes, but she does purple flowers.
Claudia, Isabella and Arianna made it a family affair.
Claudia, Isabella and Arianna made it a family affair.
Juliette was stopping traffic in her purple...oh my god, my captions are so stupid and yearbooky.
Juliette was stopping traffic in her purple…oh my god, my captions are so stupid and yearbooky.
Yuri only allowed her art students to use purple crayons all day. Right?
Yuri only allowed her art students to use purple crayons all day. Right?
Thomas knows the importance of accessorizing.
Thomas knows the importance of accessorizing.
Sleepy is modeling his human sister's former onesie.
Sleepy is modeling his human sister’s former onesie.
Lili represented in Barcelona, Spain.
Lili represented in Barcelona, Spain.
Danita took her purple to the bank. No really. That's where she works.
Danita took her purple to the bank. No really. That’s where she works.
Ann went to sleep dreaming of purple sheep.
Ann went to sleep dreaming of purple sheep.

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