…because people are driving me insane. In order to maintain my positive thinking, I must vent somewhere, so even though I’m about to do some more complaining, I’m just emptying the irritation can so I don’t kill anyone who looks at me funny tomorrow.

So first, the good thing. Since I’m reporting to you live at Connor’s hospital bedside, I can tell you he’s had two episodes while hooked up to the EEG. Finally. They weren’t able to thwart us this time. He’s having more clusters a day, though the clusters tend to be shorter than before. Today I saw five for the first time since this eye rolling started, although the last one, may have only been a couple quick rolls.

Now here’s the part where I unload. What can I say? I’m tired. This EEG business has been going on since 6 am (and I don’t count the ordeal of getting this appointment-see previous posts). I had to wake up to call the transfer center to see if there was a room for him. There wasn’t. But that was okay because I knew it was a possibility we would be on standby at first waiting for one. At least they let us wait at home. So I have to call back at 8. Then I have to call back at 10. Then they say call back at 12. Okay. Deep breath. Sick kids get precedent and apparently there’s a massive influx of RSV cases. I’m not a monster. I do understand that. Another deep breath. Then YAY! They call ME back at 10:30 and say to be here by 12 because they will get him hooked up in the lab and hopefully a room will be ready by then. So we come to the hospital. Where we wait. And wait. And wait until two hours later he gets his electrodes. But there’s still no room, so the test isn’t going yet. So we wait. And nap. And wait. And we finally get a room at almost 5 pm.  They almost broke me waiting for the electrodes. Oh yes, it was close. But I maintained.

That was nothing. Here was what really got my heart thumping. We went over all his meds earlier in the day and they had been submitted to the pharmacy. It was made very clear that all meds during his stay would come from the hospital pharmacy and must be administered by the nurse even though we do it at home every day. I will cut them a break on that given the litigious nature of this society. But, one of Connor’s meds is not easy to obtain. I was highly doubtful they’d even have it in stock considering I heard they recently ran out of a major antibiotic. But hey, they have all their information hours before his med time, right?

His med time in the evenings is at 8. At 8:25 I was about to call and see what was up because he was getting sleepy and cranky, when the nurse comes in. We administer Klonipin. Then Keppra. Then…taking vitals? “Are you giving him his vigabatrin?” I ask. “Oh the pharmacy wanted me to ask you about that. They wondered if you had it here because they don’t have any.”

For a moment I flashed back to the night a few years ago that I was at my favorite bar, Fado (before it moved and stopped being awesome), having too much to drink and breaking up with a guy via text (don’t judge me for the text. I don’t usually condone that. There’s more to the story). I was, shall I say, not in a good mood, and fueled by alcohol. Fado had recently hired a new valet, and he, how do I say this politely, sucked a fat one. Drunk girl was ready to leave, he had my keys, and was nowhere in sight. (Disclaimer: I am not the one who drove my car home). Thirty minutes later, after inquiring to his whereabouts with several bartenders, he wanders out of the kitchen where he was hanging out. I said, “There you are! I need my keys!” And he said…are you ready for this? He said, “Relax.”

I. Lost. My. Sh#%. Lost it big time. It is the only time in my life I have ever gone off on someone in the service industry. And as I did it, I could see my friends Lili and Angel desperately looking for an exit so they could disassociate from me. I went batsh#% crazy. But I don’t feel bad because I would be vindicated another evening when he blocked a bunch of cars in and failed to take the keys from the owners blocking them.

But Connor cannot duck away from me. My actions can affect him and his future treatment, whereas I knew our favorite bartender Kevin would never fail Angel and Lili, so I calmly replied, “Yes. I did wonder if you would have that drug.” What I did not scream was, “ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? THE PHARMACY JUST FIGURED THIS OUT? WHAT IF I DIDN’T HAVE IT? IT’S ONLY HIS MOST IMPORTANT MEDICATION!”

I’m growing.

And when I was asked to turn it over to have the pharmacy verify it, I stashed a bunch out of sight. Navigating the medical world.

I’m learning.

Related articles

• Diagnosing Epilepsy: The EEG Test (everydayhealth.com)
• With what these hospitals charge, there should be a swim up bar. (mixedupmommy.com)