Tag Archives: EEG

Well, I don’t like talking on the phone either, but IT’S YOUR JOB.

You might be wondering if we got Connor’s 3-day EEG scheduled. The answer would be no. Because, you see, anytime you schedule stuff hospital related, it doesn’t work like a doctor’s office where you get transferred to a person who schedules you on the spot. No. You leave voicemails for people who are supposed to call you back and don’t. They never do. And I’m getting really, really sick of it. The neurologist sent the order in yesterday morning, and the hospital is supposed to call me. By the end of business that day, I was quite antsy so I tracked down the department number on their website and got connected to the appropriate person. I got her voicemail (story of my life) which stated she was out of the office that day, but also explicitly stated that all messages left that day would be returned the next. Well, it’s 6 p.m. the “next” day and nothing. So I will be calling again first thing in the morning, at which time I expect to address a voicemail again, then spend the rest of the day seething. It’s no little thing trying to squeeze in three days in the hospital at the holidays! I’m stressing over two things. First, what if they don’t even have any openings for a ludicrous amount of time, like until next year? And then, what if the opening they do have screws up our plans this month? Not to mention it always takes forever to get the results, so the sooner the test is done, the sooner we can start the next phase of waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

To top it off, I realized today that I have hung up on countless phone calls from the pharmacy that provides Connor’s Sabril. I’ve complained here before about my issues with them, so you might wonder why I would be hanging up on them repeatedly. Well, dear reader, this is why. When I call them I use an 800 number. When they call me it’s a 901 area code, Memphis number. But I only recently made this connection because every time I have answered the phone, nobody was there. It begins to ring on their end to connect me to someone, and then hold music begins to play. There is NO identifying information, even a recording, to inform you who is calling. Surprise! Like any normal person, I assumed this was some sort of telemarketing robo call. So I always hung up. Until I didn’t answer. Today I stayed on and was on hold for several minutes before someone came on identifying who it was. Great business model. Really.

I suppose I should bring something lighter in to close. I’ve figured out Connor’s favorite food finally. Of all things, it’s a combination of prunes and apples. PRUNES and apples. And you know what. It actually smells and tastes pretty good. Who knew? That might become his only solid if he keeps swinging his head back and forth to avoid the spoon like he does with some of the other pantry items.

With what these hospitals charge, there should be a swim up bar.

Arrrrgh! NONONONONONONO! So we requested an ambulatory (take home) 24-hour EEG from our neurologist so we could figure out what these eye rolling incidents are since they don’t seem to want to stop and they manage to dodge those office hours EEGs, but he feels given Connor’s age, that a 3-day video EEG would be better. So back to Scottish Rite we go. Ahhhhhh. Shoot me. Shoot me. Shoot me. An EEG at home by the light of the Christmas tree doesn’t seem so bad. Three days in a hospital? No. More. Hospital. I’m taking liquor and I dare the nurses to try and stop me. Please, please, don’t let them call and tell me they only have dates during the time we are supposed to be in Florida, or I’m going down there anyway and feeding myself to the 8-foot alligator that likes to sun itself outside my in-laws’ lanai.

In keeping with the theme of the day, my morning went like this. Pack up 800 pound 22 pound baby and head out for 8:30 doctor’s appointment. Mom and baby are right on time, ten minutes early actually, as we triumphantly stride up to the desk, only to be told I’m not on the schedule. Oh that’s right. The dermatologist is at 2:10. I should be checking in for my physical at my general practitioner right now. Somehow, depsite the fact that I’m starving due to “no food after midnight” I still managed to confuse the appointments. Fortunately, my doctors are only 5 minutes apart on the same road. Well, fortunate if you’re not me, frazzled and with directional dyslexia. Nonetheless, I made it but a few minutes late so I could have needles jabbed in my arm. Baby guilt once again made me get the flu shot, the second of my lifetime. I got one last year so I wouldn’t break the fetus. I got one this year so I wouldn’t break the baby. Hey, Hubby, she says you have to get one, too! Haha! I should start snotting and feeling like crap shortly. The best part is that I get to go back this afternoon to face the ladies that saw me make an ass of myself this morning.

My husband and I recently got hooked on Scrabble by my parents. We played at the previously blogged about cabin with no cable where family bonding and quality time was forced upon us. Chris purchased Scrabble at Target and we also downloaded a Scrabble app on the iPad that let’s you play an opponent or the computer. On Sunday, Chris traveled to Pittsburgh for business where he spent some time honing his skills against the computer because it’s not enough that I can’t do math. He must also destroy me in Scrabble when words are all I have. Would you believe the computer played the word “tuber”? No, really. Freakin’ “tuber”. What are the odds of that? Perhaps the same as having TSC?

Deep breath. Okay. Positive thinking. The hospital will call shortly. They will have lots of availability. They will get us in quickly. It will not interfere with our trip like the last EEG, when we had to reschedule our vacation. I believe in Santa. I should probably get to eating now…I just tried to bite the cat.

Magic Mike, wi fi, iPhones and other such things we can’t live without…

People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive edition arrived the other day. Channing Tatum. Thoughts, ladies? I have to say I wasn’t really a fan until Magic Mike. That is embarrassing for me to admit because Magic Mike is one of the dumbest movies of 2012. Plus, and I hesitate to say this as a mom, but it wasn’t gratuitous enough. I mean it’s a movie about strippers clearly targeted at women wanting a girl’s night out, the majority of which, I assume, consumed alcohol beforehand. That’s what everyone did right? We did. And we went to a matinee. Yet, I think we can all agree that too many chances were lost with the other strippers. Joe Manganiello and the dude from White Collar were wasted opportunites. Just saying. I haven’t read the article yet. I don’t want him to ruin it by talking.

Chris, Connor and I spent the weekend with my parents at a cabin in Fort Mountain State Park in North Georgia. My parents do the whole cabin thing a little differently than Chris and I do when we go to the mountains with friends. Our cabins typically come equipped with pool tables or air hockey, a jacuzzi, satellite TV and more bear themed paraphernalia than you can stuff in an 18-wheeler. You know, just enough away from civilization without being too Deliverance about it. My parents like to roll rustic. No air hockey, a few basic channels and GASP no wifi or even much of a cell network period. I suppose I can’t deny it anymore. I’m a hardcore addict to my phone. I’m not like those freaks on MTV that sleep with their phone or anything (that’s ridiculous, clearly the bedside table is close enough) but take away my wi fi and 3G (yup I said 3G, lame Verizon) and you’ll find me desperately pressed against a cold window trying to simultaneously update my Facebook and Instagram feeds. We went into the town of Blue Ridge for the afternoon and I was like a crack fiend in a police evidence storage unit except instead of drugs I was getting high off access to technology. I’ve always been a fan of instant gratification, but the smart phone has ruined me. If I take a picture that I want to post, it’s not sufficient to post it tomorrow….I have to post it NOW! Some of you might be thinking, “Well that’s strange. She NEVER answers her phone when I CALL.” Yes, that’s right. I’m part of the new school of anti-talking phone addicts. I don’t want to TALK to you. But if you wanna text or Facebook me, I’m down. I’ve never been a phone person, even as a teenager. I remember how badly I wanted my own phone as a kid. I loved that phone, too. I was 11, and it was one of those phones with the giant buttons. I used it to call the theater for movie times. I wasn’t planning to go to the movies, I just wanted to dial the big buttons without actually talking to anyone. I’m pretty sure once people read this they won’t be trying to call me anymore anyway.

Maverick in Blue Ridge. Goose already bailed.

Something else I noticed at the cabin was that even though Connor is about to be 8 months old, I still can’t get used to my parents being Grandma and Grandpa. I still catch myself referring to them as Mom and Dad on Connor’s behalf, as if he’s my brother and not my son. “Oh, look what Da- I mean, Grandpa is doing!” I figure I’ll be able to comprehend that my parents are  grandparents just as soon as I start comprehending that I’m responsible for the well-being of a small human.

Connor’s eye rolling incidents continue. We’re pretty sick of them at this point, especially since we don’t have confirmation of what they are. I’m thinking about calling the neurologist this week and requesting a take home 24 hour EEG, something that the EEG tech mentioned was a possibility last time since Connor declines to have these episodes when electrodes are on his head. Even though he is doing well in spite of them, I’m tired of wondering and obsessing. I look at the clock every so often and think things like, “It’s 2:16. Can we make it to the end of the day without any?” Then I get over eager to get him to sleep at bedtime so I can officially end the count of episodes for the day. Since these started he was having 0-2 a day. Very rarely did he have 0, sometimes 2, and usually 1. Just the last couple weeks we started seeing more 0 days, which is good, but the 2 days increased and suddenly he had three random days with three. WTF? Yet, many of the events are shorter, so I guess it’s sort of a tradeoff? It’s so irritating.

Anyway, I want to share some links to some other TSC blogs I follow. I encourage you to check them out as long as reading mine remains your priority. 🙂 haha. Every individual’s experience with TSC is different, so you can read and share your experiences with others in the TSC community and have stories that are nothing alike. I interact with adults who have it and are doing very well, living normal lives (not to diminish the medical issues they do have to contend with. It’s a disease you must always remain watchful of), but there are those that need a lot of care because they are so severely afflicted. And it’s always in the back of my mind that though we assume Connor is a spontaneous mutation, as are 2/3 of TSC cases, without genetic testing, I cannot say with certainty that I don’t have it myself.

My friend Wendi just started her blog. She was the first person in the TSC community we met and talked to. When we found out about Connor’s TSC and that he was facing brain surgery, we came across her son Hudson’s experience on a couple websites and immediately contacted her with questions. Check it out here.

Another one is my friend Tina. I’ve actually never met Tina. She lives in California and we met online through our wordpress blogs, then FB. Check her out here.

One last blog for now. I do not know this family, but they appear in some of the TSC literature, so Facebook stalker that I am, I located Laurisa’s blog. Find it here.

And if you’re not sick of clicking links yet, please check out this video that discusses some of the reasons that TSC research can benefit everyone, not just those with TSC. Click here.

This living one day at a time stuff is for the birds.

It has been a nice little reprieve the last couple days not seeing any of the eye rolling incidents he’s been experiencing. But I’m not tempting you, Fate. No need to show me who is boss. I know not to celebrate good things. He could have one tomorrow or in 5 minutes, so don’t think I’m getting all cocky and thankful. I know that’s not allowed. Until the neurologist’s office called this morning to verify the  results of the EEG–no hips arrythmia and the only odd activity present is irritation from the surgery (what we already knew)–Chris and I hadn’t even acknowledged out loud the fact that we hadn’t seen any for two days. They remain a mystery until we can catch them on EEG. But the reality is that the EEG also shows a tendency to epilepsy because of the other tubers present. No seizures, just little outputs of activity as if to say, “Screw you. Did you think you’d wake up and TSC would just go away?” That’s TSC. It’s always there. You just don’t know what it will do. I totally understand those parents that enact vigilante justice when someone hurts their kid. If TSC could take human form, I’d stab it to death. Slowly. Only time will tell if epilepsy will be an ongoing battle for him.

The physical therapist came yesterday. Once again, she said he was looking really good. Very interactive, engaged, energetic and much more tolerant of being on his tummy. He’s adding more noises to his repetoire and playing with toys, all in the appropriate window of time…although he likes to push those windows to make Mommy nervous. She is thrilled, as am I, that we are weaning him off the phenobarbital. It’s pretty much the go-to seizure med for babies, but it’s a major suppressant of all activity, and longterm, is connected to cognitive issues. Connor often refuses to look his therapist in the face, even though he will make eye contact and giggle with us, because she is the mean lady that makes him work out for an hour straight. Mommy can be broken in less than hour easy. It’s kind of humorous to watch him swing his head back and forth as she tries to get him to engage with her. He’s not having it. She goes to the right, he goes to the left and vice versa. But she says this is good because he is distinguishing between people he likes and people he doesn’t. We’re really pushing him more to roll over. He can. He has. But he’d rather do this:

Where he started…
A few minutes go by…
Making a break for it!

A breakdown of his meds history:

When he came home we had to give meds 5x a day. It was hell. He was on:

Phenobarbital 2x per day 8am, 8 pm

keppra 2x per day — 8 am, 8 pm

dilantin 3x per day– 6am, 2 pm, 10 pm

I want you to seriously think about that schedule. Seriously imagine having to stop at all those times of day no matter where you are or if he’s sleepy to force him to take some crappy tasting medicine.

Then we weaned him off the dilantin.

He was only on phenobarb and keppra 2x per day for some time, but after surgery we never upped the dose again because we weren’t seeing anything.

Then the infantile spasms started, so we added Sabril (vigabatrin) and clonazepam. And now we are in the process of weaning off the phenobarb. So once we finish weaning, he will be on:

Keppra

clonazepam

Sabril

All two times a day thank God because I don’t think I can mentally handle more than that.

Meeting with the Tuberous Sclerosis Alliance

Last night I attended a meeting led by Kari Luther Rosbeck, President and CEO of the TS Alliance, and Dr. Steve Roberds, Chief Scientific Officer. The Alliance is located in the D.C. area, so being able to hear directly from them about the accomplishments and goals of the organization was comforting for someone who is still pretty new to the TSC world. The difference a few years makes is incredible. So much more is known about this disease now than just a couple decades ago. It’s incredible to think that the two genes that have so far been found to cause it, as well as their function, were only identified in the 90s which lead to a genetic test to confirm the disease (research is being done to see if another gene is involved). This in turn has led to clinical trials of the mTOR inhibitors now used to treat the tumors.

Some recent studies have shown, with animal models, that these inhibitors can prevent the onset of seizures and cognitive deficits in the young, as well as treat seizures and reverse cognitive deficits in adults. I just remind myself how much change has taken place recently, and how much more is being done, when I start freaking about about the fact that we have no idea what kind of course Connor’s TSC will take. And thank you to the couple that spoke last night about how their son is a sophomore in college. It helps keep my anxiety in check.

Given the genetic nature of the disease, and the fact that the majority of the cases are spontaneous mutations, rather than passed down by family, experts feel a “cure” will be a significant challenge. However, a lot can be done in the areas of early identification and treatment. For example, if an infant is born with a diagnosis of TSC, EEGs could be done  before seizures ever start, and should anything appear abnormal, begin treatment before they experience one. Currently, infantile spasms are treated when they start, but if ways are found of identifying children that are more likely to experience these, they can be treated before they ever start. Since TSC can lead to autism and cognitive problems, if the course of how those develop can be studied it can lead to preventative measures as well. Basically, the focus is on changing the progression and manifestation of the disease.

Improvements in technology are improving the chances of early identification. Many children weren’t diagnosed until seizures started and they would have to endure them for extended periods while doctors tried to figure out what was going on (a common feature of TSC is seizures that are hard to control. Connor spent 5 whole weeks in NICU as they tried to get them to a manageable level, and we actually knew the cause). Now ultrasounds can be a tool to identify babies at risk because of the rhabdomyomas that can form in the heart. As I mentioned in an earlier post, Connor was found to have one at my 30-week ultrasound, although tuberous sclerosis was mentioned in such a vague way, that we were more focused on the possibilty of a heart defect. I’ve since read about what a strong marker of TSC those rhabdomyomas actually are. One study I found said that of 19 babies found  to have one on the ultrasound, 15 of them went on to be diagnosed with TSC. Perhaps the doctors should have pushed that possibility a little more. In our case, since the seizures started the day he was born, those two markers immediately led to diagnosis. But I wonder, had his seizures started months later, or had we not seen it, how long it would have taken to figure things out.

One of the biggest points I try to make to people is this. TSC research involves finding out what leads to tumor growth, autism, epilepsy and many other issues that also occur in the general population. It doesn’t just benefit those with TSC, but a far greater number of people. Maybe you don’t know anyone with TSC, or Connor is the only one. But you probably know someone with autism, epilepsy, learning disabilites or cancer. Tuberous sclerosis complex may not be as high profile as a lot of other causes, but it should be.

Is this glue on my head again?

At his EEG today

There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that after another hour long EEG, we still aren’t really sure what the deal is with these eye rolling incidents he’s having once or twice a day. And unlike the last time, when we spent 8 hours in an office with electrodes on his head only to have an episode on the way home, this time he had an episode in the waiting room right before it. At least the EEG showed once again that the hipsarythmia brain pattern that previously presented with his spasms has cleared up thanks to Sabril. The doctor doesn’t seem certain whether these are spasms or not, although he can’t say they aren’t some sort of seizure activity. He was very pleased with how well Connor is doing though because he isn’t presenting like a child having infantile spasms. At any rate, we are weaning him off one of his meds, phenabarbitol, so that we can see if clonazepam is more effective at knocking out whatever these eye rolls are. There was still no seizure activity otherwise (thanks again to our surgeon), which leads me to the other good news: during the EEG today they tried to see if a strobe light would trigger anything. It had no effect on him whatsoever, so Connor’s going clubbing this weekend.

But at least we got to do something fun today, too! Well, I’m not sure he would agree with that.

Infantile spasms–my unanswered prayer

You never know when or if something might spring up with TSC. We came so close after surgery to having some normalcy, but it wasn’t to be just yet. About a month after surgery, on Wednesday August 22, Connor had a follow up EEG. We hadn’t seen any seizures since surgery, and now we would see how he was doing as far as the subclinical seizures that can’t be seen to the naked eye. The neurologist would read the EEG and call us with the results within a week. But on Friday morning, August 24, the moment that had lost me countless hours of sleep and stress happened. We saw his first infantile spasms. I don’t even know how much desperate begging and praying I had done that he wouldn’t develop this complication. Infantile spasms are extremely rare in the general population, but kids with TSC are at a higher risk of developing them. I had watched countless YouTube videos other parents had loaded to help others with identification, so that I would be sure if the moment came. But why so much more concern over this seizure type than what he had before? IS can cause brain damage, prevent children from reaching milestones, and even cause regression. Some people had reported their babies had regressed to a newborn state after developing these, losing any milestones they had achieved.

I had obsessed and obsessed over how things would go when these started. How long would it take to get treatment rolling? How many would he have before treatment started to work? What damage would be done between the moment we first saw them and the moment treatment became effective? One thing I didn’t worry about was whether the drug I knew he would get if this happened, Sabril (vigabatrin). would work. I’d heard amazing things about its effectiveness. I’d even obsessed over whether they would start on a Friday after the neurologist’s office closed further complicating getting treatment started. If these had come out of nowhere, meaning we knew nothing of his TSC, these would warrant going to the ER to get treatment started. But since we already had a plan in place and a neurology team, we were told just to call the office and we’d get the ball rolling. So naturally, they started on a Friday. And the office closes early on Fridays. Did I  mention I had a full blown anxiety attack on top of everything else? Because people were right. They said you’d know the spasms when you saw them. And I did.

Click to see spasms before starting Sabril:

http://youtu.be/VPpuAvNJQ30

It actually worked out well that the office was closed. Instead of going through medical assistants, I was able to directly page the doctor on call. I described what I saw and I could tell my description concerned him. They hadn’t yet reviewed his EEG, so he said he would look at that and call us back shortly. Confirmed. His EEG showed hipsarrhythmia, the scrambled pattern of brainwaves that often (but not always) accompany IS. They called in a prescription for Klonipin (clonazepam) for the weekend to help calm them, and we had the first appointment Monday morning to get him on Sabril. On the bright side, the surgery had been a success. No complex partial seizure activity. We should have been able to celebrate, but I try not to be bitter. Try.

It was a long weekend in which we saw 3-4 clusters a day (his worst day having 8). A cluster is a series of spasms. Monday morning we signed our life away on paperwork due to the fact that a possible side effect of Sabril is damage to or loss of peripheral vision. But as Wendi (the fellow TSC mom who has been there to help us and answer our questions through all this) said, “What good is 20/20 vision if their brain is mush?” I haven’t come across any stories yet about children experiencing this so hopefully he won’t either. Because of the risk, he has to undergo eye exams every three months as a precaution, including an ERG (electroretinography) at Scottish Rite. He has to be sedated and electrodes are used to check his vision. Can nothing be simple? You can’t even get Sabril at a regular pharmacy. It has to be Fedexed to your house.

After about a week and a half we seemed to be in the clear. We went three days with no spasms. Then the eye rolling started. It is now mid October and we are still trying to get a handle on the eye rolling. Presumably, they are milder spasms that are breaking through on the Sabril, but he’s doing well and continues to progress. While the full spasms were going on, he was quieter and it was harder to get a laugh, but he’s back to his giggly self. He underwent an 8-hour EEG to try and determine what was going on. Naturally, he didn’t have a single incident for the entirety of the test. Nope, not until we were in the car on the way home. I was so frustrated I might have driven my car into a tree had Connor not been in the car. But the EEG came back otherwise greatly improved, the hipsarrythmia having cleared up. So this Wednesday it’s back to the neurologist for an hour EEG (yeah right, like we’ll get lucky enough for something to happen in that small window) and an appointment to discuss his progress. I’ve been a little bit crushed that Sabril wasn’t the 100 percent miracle cure it has been for many others. I truly thought it would knock them out completely within a few days, so that we’re still seeing anything has been a bit crushing. That being said, it has immensely improved the situation and allowed him to continue on his developmental path.

What we’re currently seeing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qttWpEA3UYg&feature=youtu.be

So what is this thing that has changed our lives?

Image

Has someone ever pointed out a new car model to you that you’d never seen before and suddenly you saw it everywhere you went? That’s kind of how I feel about sick children. Now that we have to contend with Connor’s health issues, I feel like everywhere I look I see people with sick kids. It’s a cruel, messed up world if the countless prayer pages for children on Facebook are any indication. Not to mention the time I’ve spent in hospitals seeing other people’s children wheeled around with tubes sticking out of them or minus their hair. Sometimes I think if I’d had this awareness before I got pregnant, I never would have had a kid at all. But now that he’s here, I wouldn’t give him up for anything. I just hope there really is something better waiting for us all in the end, or I’m going to be really ticked.

So what is TSC? Tuberous sclerosis complex is a rare multi-system disease that can cause benign tumors to grow in various organs including the brain, heart, lungs, kidneys, eyes, and skin. It CAN cause retardation or learning disabilities, autism, seizures, behavior issues, OCD, ADHD, kidney issues, lung problems and skin lesions. But every individual’s course with TSC is different. There is a full range of the severely afflicted that need constant care to those who are so mildly affected they may not even know they have it until they have a child who presents more severely.

I’ve heard many describe it as walking through a minefield. It’s a pretty apt description. We basically have a long list of things that MIGHT happen. Or they might not. Seizures. Check. Been there, done that. He started having complex partials the day he was born. Although I’m thrilled to say we haven’t seen any since surgery and none were on his most recent EEG. We are currently contending with infantile spasms, a very rare form of epilepsy seen in children, although more frequent in TSC. He’s been on Sabril for about a month now which has helped considerably, but he still has 1-2 breakthrough clusters a day which are much, much milder than what he was having. These are scary though because even though he will eventually outgrow them, they have potential to be extremely damaging and cause regression. Fortunately we’ve seen none of that and he continues to progress. We’re still working with the neurologist to get these under control. I’ll go into these more in a separate entry.

But that TSC minefield I mentioned? It means that even though the spasms will eventually go away, and even though the surgery was successful, there is no guarantee for the future. Some people’s seizures go away for good, some go 2, 10, 20 years before it happens again.

Currently we’re lucky (lucky in the most screwed up sense of the word) because we’re only dealing with brain involvement. His cardiac rhabdomyoma we saw on the ultrasound cleared up by three months old. They told us it would happen by the time he was in his early teens, so we like to think that it happened so quickly is a good sign. I just wish all the organs worked that way.

His kidney and eye scans at birth came back clear. Both have been checked again in the last month and remain clear. Lung involvement is rarer in males (thank God for small favors), but can be very problematic for females (Google LAM). He also doesn’t show any signs on his skin. The eyes may show signs of TSC, but rarely affect vision (the boy will have glasses anyway thanks to his parents). But for the rest of his life he will require annual MRIs of the brain and kidney scans so that if there are any life threatening growths, they can be treated immediately with some of the amazing new medications that have come about in the last decade for TSC or by surgical intervention.

But what is causing this? Two genes have been identified so far as being involved in tuberous sclerosis. Mutation of chromosome 9, which regulates the protein hamartin, results in a diagnosis of TSC1. Mutation of chromosome 16, which regulates the growth of tuberin, results in a diagnosis of TSC2. These proteins are growth supressors in cells, and the chromosomal damage results in the growth of the tumors seen in TSC. Connor has TSC2.

Why does he have it? After meeting with a genetic counselor after his birth, the thought was that he is most likely a case of spontaneous mutation, as are the majority of cases. There was nothing in our family histories to indicate that it has been passed down. That being said, unless Chris and I undergo genetic testing, we can’t be 100 percent sure neither of us has a mild case of it. Indeed, one of us COULD be a spontaneous mutation and passed it on to him. It is a dominant gene, so if you have it, your children have a 50 percent chance of inheriting it. The degree to which the parent is affected doesn’t foreshadow the degree to which a child will be. We don’t currently plan to have any more children, so we probably won’t be tested. Chris has no desire to know, and although I’m curious, I don’t know how I would handle that information. It sure makes you analyze yourself, though. Is TSC why I’ve had anxiety since elementary school? It this why Chris makes the bed military style and is constantly angling everything in the house just so? At any rate, I’m probably forever cursed to wonder if I could have done something different. I know I didn’t DO something wrong, but the questions are there. What if I had spent the last few years eating organic? Did I expose myself to something environmental somewhere along the way?

We simply don’t know what lies ahead, so I focus on this sentence from the Mayo Clinic website: “With appropriate treatment, however, many people who have tuberous sclerosis lead full, productive lives.”

If you would like to read even more in depth about TSC, check out http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/tuberous_sclerosis/detail_tuberous_sclerosis.htm

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/tuberous-sclerosis/DS01032

http://tsalliance.org/index.aspx

The NICU

Right after birth.

It turns out that if you spend 9 months growing a baby with Oreos (along with the requisite veggies, fruits and grains of course!), even if you significantly reduce your Oreo intake for the following 6 months, you will not be able to then jump on an elliptical and resume your previous 45 minute routine. In fact, after 4 minutes, you will probably have a near death experience. Just a random observation for today.

Soooo picking up from yesterday, the seizures began around 5 or 6. We hadn’t seen him for several hours because of both the regular newborn checkup and the cardiac one. It was actually reaching a point of, “Where is my baby?” frustration. And let me say, care at Northside Hospital is excellent. Communication between floors and departments…not so much. When we started trying to locate him, nobody could find him. We were told to call this nursery, then that and he’d always already been moved. I was told to ask my nurse.  She didn’t know either. This went on for a bit, and then I heard it. Chris was downstairs trying unsuccessfully to locate him as the alarm went off alerting the floor that a baby had been taken past the boundaries. Chris couldn’t get the elevator because they were on lockdown, and then he heard a security guard mumbling into a walkie talkie, saying something that certainly alluded to a baby being missing. This was the last straw that lead to Chris’s very loud and public demand to know where Connor was. And this is when they located him and informed us of the seizures. (The alarm was a staff member accidentally passing the boundary and would happen a couple more times while we were there. No missing babies!)

I wish I had written about this at the time because the emotions are hard to recapture 6 months later. But I could barely talk out loud about it for a couple months. But as scary as it was, we were still in the mindset of, okay, they’ll get these meds going and he’ll be home in a few more days. Well, a few more days stretched into 5 long weeks as the seizures were incredibly resistant to the medication, a hallmark of TSC. He started on phenabarbitol, then Keppra was added, and by the time he left he was on Dilantin as well. But he was still having an extraordinary number of seizures a day. At least 80 a day, maybe more. Many of them were subclinical which means only an EEG can detect it. They don’t cause the outward jerking. At this point it looked like we were gonna have to go on the surgery, so he was transferred across the street to Scottish Rite. I could have carried him over, yet it involved a $1500 ambulance transfer. Thank God for insurance.

I can’t believe there was a time when it was taxing to feed him 2 ounces (due to medication induced sleepiness) considering he’s now 6 months old and wearing 12-18 month clothing.

We met with his potential surgeon Dr. Chern at Scottish Rite. At this point we were finally miraculously seeing some improvement with the meds. He was still having a number of seizures, mostly subclinical, but it was decided that the benefits of waiting to do the surgery when he was bigger outweighed the cons. It would be safer in a few months. So after 5 weeks of driving to the hospital every day, he was finally released on April 23, 2012. And I have to say my husband got me through this. He was a rock. He had his moments, but I would have lost my mind without him. Just the simple fact of having a sick child is scary enough, but on top of that it shattered that “it can’t happen to me” belief that gets many of us through life. I’m a worrier by nature. Takeoff makes me nervous and the word cancer makes my stomach turn. And yet I still fly and could improve some health habits. Now for the first time, I truly realized that anything can happen to anyone at anytime. My plane could crash. I could actually get cancer. Fortunately we had so many other family and friends there to support us through all this. So thank you to all of you.

He never exactly had issues eating, but he would be so sleepy from meds and seizures that a feeding tube was used from time to time.

Connor’s official diagnosis wouldn’t come for several weeks. That’s the genetic test confirming his TSC, but from the rhabdomyoma in the heart, and the seizures, tuberous sclerosis was the immediate thought. He subsequently had an MRI for his brain, a kidney ultrasound, and an eye exam as those are areas most commonly affected. Thank God his kidneys and eyes were clear. But clearly the brain wouldn’t be. The tubers, including the one that would be surgically removed were evident. For my next entry I will get into the specifics of what TSC is.

Breastfeeding never worked out with all that was going on, so I pumped for the next 3 months until I couldn’t take being attached to the machine anymore. But it may have been for the best considering I had to carefully time my glasses of wine around pumping. Otherwise I probably would have knocked out a bottle on a nightly basis. When I tried going online for advice, I was shocked by how harsh and nasty a lot of the hardcore breastfeeding community is. It left me with a lot of guilt when I finally quit, but I had to for my mental state. It also left me disappointed that there was yet one more way in which women can be extremely unsupportive of other women. It’s easy to judge when everything goes hunky dory according to plan, isn’t it? I still have hostility about it. But women need to know that it’s extremely common to have problems with latching, pain, lactation failure, and many other things. So NYC’s Mayor Bloomberg can stick it where the sun don’t shine.

I can’t remember if this particular EEG was 24 or 48 hours.